Laurie, Robin, Lydia, and the Stan

The Great Reset

2012-01-31T19:26:00.000-08:00

I have kept mum on several big developments in the Hahn-Ganser household for fear that talking would ruin them. The big news....

...We have officially sold our house in Austin. It closed today. We are relieved and thankful to be moving forward, and hope that the new owners love it as much as we did. Adios, 5509.

...Robin took a job at Coen+Partners in Minneapolis. His official title is "Senior Associate," and I'll have to have him write a blog post explaining what he does at some point. They are a landscape architecture firm that does exciting work, including the Central Minneapolis Public Library and a house on Lake Calhoun that Robin once described as "My Favorite House in Minneapolis--You'll Know It When You See It.") About a month and a half ago, Robin decided to actively pursue full-time positions at various firms and organizations in the Metro area on top of his ongoing networking and pursuit of contract work. He laid low over Christmas break, and hit the pavement shortly after I returned to work. Long story short, a serendipitous stop into a firm (Coen) and a conversation with the owner resulted in a very fast-moving interview process that ended in a job offer. I'm so proud of him and so thankful that the firm recognized all that he has to contribute.

...I am knitting a potholder. No really. I'm knitting a potholder.

For me, life is trucking along. I was reflecting today and realizing just how much I've learned this year and how much I've grown in certain elements of teaching. I feel fortunate to have landed in a school that is pushing me in my development as an educator. I think the best part about the house sale and Robin's work is the opportunity to reset. Reset financially, emotionally, and in terms of our priorities. In many ways, Robin and I have been in survival mode for awhile; the stressors have been numerous and great. We're both looking forward to the opportunity to regroup, prioritize the things that we need to be our best selves, and move toward thriving rather than surviving.

All Dressed Up

2012-01-18T16:49:00.001-08:00

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

P-Day

2012-01-09T18:28:00.000-08:00

I have kept the latest Lydia news quiet for awhile, lest we fall prey to the whole say-something-and-the-backlash-begins phenomenon, but...

Lydia is potty trained! Awhile ago, we designated the day after Christmas as P-Day. We hyped up underwear--Santa even dropped some in Lydia's stocking, and we prepped for a day at home. I'd read in Toddler 411 that when a child is ready, potty training should only take a day, and a friend of Grandma and Grandpa Ganser swore she had a fool proof trick to get a kid potty trained in 24 hours, so we combined forces and went for it.

One day full of every incentive Lydia could think of later, she was using the potty with only one accident in 24 hours. The next day was a pitch perfect day, potty wise, and since, accidents have been rare.

What was this magic plan, you ask? Hype the potty, stay home for the day, and drop Lyds on the potty after meals, before and after nap, and every 2 hours otherwise (if she didn't go on her own). We added major, major tangible treats for positive performance.

All along, people told me that when Lydia was ready, potty training would be easy. After a false start this summer that was apparently thwarted by our move to Minnesota, I have to say that now I believe it wasn't so much that we moved as much as she just wasn't ready. This time around, it's been a breeze.

Since a potty picture isn't so much appropriate, I'll leave you with this--look at those baby blues!

Stuff Lyds Says

2011-12-26T19:46:00.000-08:00

(Warning: Every one of these little gems contains information about body parts. Yes, we use the "real" words with Lydia, and yes, she talks about it. If this makes you uncomfortable or offended, stop now. Thanks!)

To me, during breakfast on Christmas morning:

Lyds: "Sometimes girls have penises."
Me: "Do you know a girl with a penis?"
Lyds: "Yes. Daddy."

To me, while I was pushing her in her stroller to the park:

Lyds: Mommy, we're going to go to a costume party.
Me: Tell me about our costumes.
Lyds: Grandma Marie is going to be a flower. I am going to be a bunny. Daddy is going to be a puppy. You are going to be a vagina.
Me: I don't think I want to be a vagina at the costume party.
Lyds: But I looooove vaginas!!!

To me, while I was showing Robin a picture of the dress I want to wear on my birthday:

Lyds: Mommy, that's not a dress! That's a shirt!

To Robin, at the dinner table:

Lyds: You have a little penis.
Robin: Lydia, that is not a kind thing to say to someone.
Lyds: (Visibly thinking hard) You have a BIG penis.

Lydia Learns About Chagall

2011-11-29T17:26:00.001-08:00

Who knew Robin has a secret inner art teacher?

-- Post From My iPhone

Knitting Club Project #1

2011-11-24T07:29:00.001-08:00

What should I make next?

Taken by a Kind Stranger at Turtle Bread

2011-11-21T14:50:00.001-08:00

-- Post From My iPhone

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like...

2011-11-20T08:51:00.001-08:00

-- Post From My iPhone

On Loneliness

2011-11-19T14:22:00.000-08:00

This summer, when I met one of my new coworkers, she told me that she too had lived far away and moved back to Minnesota after her children were born. Her children are now adolescents, and I was glad to have the perspective of someone who had undertaken the same challenge we were beginning. She said that things would get hard come November or December, and as the snow started to fall today, I realized that things indeed have gotten difficult.

Since we left Minnesota seven and a half years ago, many of the people here whom we love have gotten married, settled into grown friendships, expanded their families, and established their lives as adults. We did all of the same things, but we did them in Austin. We know that all of these people are excited to have us back, but their lives moved on without us and now, we have found it difficult to figure out where we fit in.

In a lot of ways, Robin and I are really lonely, and Lydia misses her friends, too. It has been difficult to determine where the line is--do we continue trying to initiate things with old friends who have busy lives? Do we do what we would do if we had never lived here before and try to establish a new community? How do we do that? In Austin, things happened pretty organically over time. We are so excited to have the opportunity to see people more frequently and on more normal terms, and we know that our friends here feel the same, but the execution of that is dicey, and I often find myself feeling like a pathetic, annoying hound, and that feeling slowly morphs into loneliness.

I worry that I will offend those who have reached out to us--friends with lives as busy as ours. This is a scary post to write, because there have been so many occasions during which we have felt loved--help with childcare, moving, showing up in my barely furnished apartment to give me a much needed emotional boost when Robin and Lydia were out of town, playdate invitations--the list goes on, but if this blog is an honest account of our story as a family rather than a rosy, glossed-over portrayal, this side of the story has to be part of it. The loneliness, the ache for an established social routine has set in, and it's a lot more challenging than I expected.

Family Portraits

2011-11-13T20:09:00.001-08:00

Despite the fact that I endure endless teasing for the copious amounts of photos of Lydia that reside in our computer and on the laptop, I have struggled with the lack of family photos we have that include all three of us, as well as a distinct lack of pictures of Lydia and me together. Since we purchased our DSLR, I have been the one that has become far more comfortable with our camera, so I tend to be behind the lens instead of in front of it. As a result, Robin and I decided that this year for Christmas, we would get each other a family portrait session. A fellow graduate of Forest Lake Senior High School, Abbey Steffi, runs a business called Sunlit Photography, and I've been admiring her work for awhile, so we decided to go ahead and book an appointment. Today we met Abbey in downtown Stillwater to take some pictures. The following images were posted on Facebook before we even got home! We're so, so pleased and excited!

Official Minneapolis Residents

2011-11-08T17:47:00.001-08:00

-- Post From My iPhone

Number Three

2011-11-07T19:50:00.001-08:00

This weekend, Robin and I began our third move in four months. I have been somewhat vague about our living situation, largely because it has been such a tremendous source of stress and anxiety, I couldn't handle the thought of 1.) articulating it and 2.) dealing with all of the questions and comments that come when one shares a stressful situation.

Now that we're almost done, here's the story:

Robin and I signed a lease for an apartment in south Minneapolis last summer. We signed the lease sight-unseen, largely because the rental market is crazy right now and between looking in a limited neighborhood, needing a property that would take pets, and my need to have something locked down, we just needed an apartment.

Fast forward months later. I was sitting having pie therapy with my cousin Maurya, and I get a strange voicemail from our apartment property. It seemed they didn't have our move-in date on their record, despite the fact that we had signed a lease and paid our deposit. I didn't think much of it and planned on calling in the morning.

Robin beat me to it and, long story short, we learned that due to a clerical misstep, our apartment had been given away. Cue major panic. Unfortunately, the problem couldn't be immediately fixed. Fortunately, the property managers recognized the urgency of the situation and did everything they could to accommodate us as best as possible.

Those accommodations involved the three of us plus Stanley living in a one-bedroom apartment for the past six weeks in a different building and neighborhood than where we had signed a lease. Anxious to get into Minneapolis-proper and live together as a family, we took them up on their offer. Neighborhood-wise, we fell in love and we will most likely look to the area where we spent the past six weeks when it comes time to buy a house. Living-wise, I'm not sure one could take a larger step down than we did. Compare pictures of our house in Austin to the one-bedroom apartment (no, there are no pictures), and you would instantly see what I mean.

Anyway, this weekend, Robin and I cleared out the temporary apartment and moved everything into our more long-term place. Our backs are aching, and there is still a storage unit to be cleared and a piano to be moved.

Through the whole experience, Lydia has been a trooper and so inspiring. All the girl needs to be happy is her bed, her family, and some toys. She was THRILLED to see her kitchen set up in her new room. Once again, she has helped us keep perspective, and I am so thankful.

Hopefully now we will be able to host a little--there were exactly six adult friends who were permitted into our one-bedroom apartment, and four were there to help us move in. It will feel good to be at least a little more settled.

Knitting Club

2011-11-07T19:31:00.001-08:00

My sophomore year of college, I became close friends with two girls down the hallway, Anna and Elise. We became roommates for the next two years and to this day--three weddings, two babies, and several cross-country and -continent moves later--I still refer to them as my roommates. I love these girls dearly, and I was so excited that when I moved back to Minneapolis, I would be in the same city with one of them. Elise, her husband, Clark, and their adorable little girl live in south Minneapolis, so I knew I'd start seeing her on a much more regular basis and on much more normal circumstances. I was super excited. Then, in mid-August, I received a phone call from Anna. She said she had "news," and I was elated to learn that she and her husband Steve were ALSO moving back to the Twin Cities, and by "elated," I mean that my screams elicited a visit from a neighbor to check to see if everyone was alright. For the first time since I moved to Austin in 2004, the three of us are in the Metro.

Eager to get some girl time, we set up a date at a local restaurant. Without much thought, I brought along my iPad to show them a knitting project I was thinking of taking on. We knit together for one winter in college, and I haven't knit anything since; when I picked out a scarf I liked on Pinterest (my latest obsession) and learned that it cost $95.00, I decided I would try making it instead. They both liked the picture, and we started talking about picking up our needles together. Soon after I showed them the picture, Knitting Club was born. Tonight was our third meeting and we have three lovely scarves going.

How lucky am I to have two awesome girlfriends who know me in all of my faulted glory--living together lets people in on a whole different level--that I get to see every two weeks? I love Knitting Club.

Apropos

2011-11-03T16:21:00.001-07:00

With my new school schedule, the tables have turned when it comes to daycare pick-up and drop-off. Since I leave for work around 6:40, Robin takes Lydia to daycare and I pick her up. Most of the time, I am super thankful for this shift. With an early school start comes early school release, and leaving school at 3ish has lots of perks. Morning time isn't as enjoyable as afternoon, and I really love having a good chunk of time with Lydia before bedtime--usually.

Today was the exception to the rule. Lydia and I had a simple task. We had to stop at the grocery store near her daycare to pick up ingredients for our dinner. (Side note: tonight we are enjoying "Pumpking Stuffed with Everything Good"--a pumpkin full of bread, cheese, bacon, garlic, onion, and cream. Does food get better? This dish is a large reason why I consider myself a "flexitarian" rather than "vegetarian".)

Anyway, Lydia and I went to the grocery store. At this particular grocery store, they have carts for "Customers in Training," and per Robin's suggestion, I let Lydia choose a small cart to push. An hour later when we exited the grocery store with two bags of groceries and at least twice as many frazzled nerves, I was cursing myself for not turning around and getting a cart to strap Lydia into and push myself and cursing Robin for the suggestion that Lydia push a cart.

In the car on the way home, Lydia decided that screaming would be a good idea, and I found myself parked in a parking lot giving her a time out. By the time I arrived at our apartment, my head was throbbing, and rather than walk Lydia half a block to the pet store to buy Stanley's food (our other errand we were supposed to run before heading home), I called Robin and asked him to come get her. The thought of trying to navigate the sidewalk and make it through another store with my curious, vocal, grabby toddler who has taken to going limp whenever I really need her to move was just. too. much.

How appropriate was it, then, that when she told me that she had an owie, I turned around in the grocery to see this?

On My Morning Drive...

2011-11-01T19:09:00.001-07:00

Sunday in the MSP

2011-11-01T18:52:00.000-07:00

We have had some perfect fall Sundays during the past month. One of the best parts about moving back to Minneapolis has been rediscovering the city as adults; the last time we lived here was as college students. This past Sunday proved to be no exception. We scored great veggies at the Kingfield Farmers' Market, discovered a great food truck, stumbled upon a bluegrass band, and I made the first of what I'm sure will be many hot drink runs while Lydia and Robin played outside. The past few months have been difficult in terms of transition, but we love, love, love Minneapolis and have yet to second-guess our choice to move here.

I Love This

2011-11-01T13:50:00.001-07:00

“Your children are not your children.
They are sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you.
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the make upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness.
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He also loves the bow that is stable.”
― Khalil Gibran

Be Afraid...

2011-10-24T14:41:00.001-07:00

Be very afraid.

-- Post From My iPhone

Circus, Circus

2011-10-23T06:26:00.000-07:00

My Uncle David is a member of the Shriners, so when Judy (my aunt, his wife) called to ask if we wanted tickets to the Shriners' Circus, I said yes. I figured Lydia is starting to be old enough to have fun at that sort of thing, and with free tickets, why not find out?

Last night, along with Judy, we headed to the Target Center for the circus. When asked what her favorite things at the circus, Lydia says, "Riding the ponies, eating my snow-cone, and getting my tickets."

She really loved the circus. We have heard all morning about elephants, especially the "little elephant who broke and turned into a puppy." (A clown had a whole sketch about a toy elephant that was revealed to be a puppy in a costume.)

Thanks, Judy and David, for the night at the circus! We loved it!

Ski-Hi

2011-10-23T06:14:00.000-07:00

Way back in 2005 on the day before Mike and Brittany's wedding, a group of girls headed to Ski-Hi apple orchard. We took this picture, one of my very favorites from that weekend.

Last weekend, our dear friends Gabe and Elizabeth were married in Sauk Prairie, Robin's home town--the last of Robin's group of high school guy friends to marry. The wedding was so. much. fun, but before the festivities began, Lydia, Brittany, and I had some fun of our own. We managed to do some record-setting errand running (four stops in one morning), and then we headed out to Ski-Hi for cider, candy apples, and girl time.

A Nasty Equation

2011-10-23T06:11:00.001-07:00

I think it's safe to say that the intense amount of transition during the past month has gotten us down. Cross-country move, a second move in the works (long story), new job, etc., etc. Don't get me wrong--we are loving Minneapolis and feel that our move was 100% the right decision, BUT... it's a lot. A lot. After doing some thinking and considering throwing in the towel on the blog altogether, I'm renewing my dedication. I have a goal for the number of weekly posts I'd like to do, but I'm keeping the goal private and will attempt to do some catch-up posts and start fresh moving forward. See you soon on the internets!

My How Times Have Changed...

2011-09-22T19:52:00.000-07:00

Last summer when we were visiting Minnesota, we took Lydia to the Minnesota Children's Museum. Last Saturday, the two of us spent a morning in St. Paul, and Lydia had a blast at the museum. Sometimes it blows me away how quickly she changes.

Badgers and Birthdays

2011-09-22T19:36:00.000-07:00

I have a hard time cheering for Wisconsin. I know that standard Big Ten protocol asks that one cheer for other conference teams unless they are playing your own team, but I struggle with this concept. Take this as a testament to my love for Mike Chrisler, dear friend and Godfather to my daughter. While I didn't don Badger red--I just couldn't do it--we spent a beautiful Saturday cheering on the Badgers and eating and drinking to Mike's 30th birthday. Festivities carried on into the night, but the photos from my camera only document the point up until Papa Culver started keeping my wine glass topped off.

Aidan and Lydia Do Wisconsin

2011-09-22T19:05:00.000-07:00

I'm going to try to back-log a bit. These posts will be picture heavy, but I know most of you don't read the words on my posts, so I'm guessing the plethora of pictures and lack of words shouldn't be too much of a problem.

Labor Day weekend, Lydia and I drove to Sauk Prairie to meet Robin along with the Luthers, who were in Wisconsin for the 20th Anniversary of Pearl Jam. While Aaron and Jessica jammed at the concert in Alpine Valley, Robin and I spent some awesome time with Aidan and Lydia, who picked up right where they left off.

The picked apples from the tree in the backyard,

sipped morning coffee,

danced in the kitchen,looked adorable,

played on the swing,

snacked at the Farmer's Market,

experienced sensory overload at Ella's Deli
and rode on the carousel,

and again, were adorable.

Aidan and Lydia: Wisconsin Edition--Sneak Peek

2011-09-03T08:46:00.001-07:00

-- Post From My iPhone

A Friend's Katrina Story

2011-08-29T19:52:00.000-07:00

Hurricane Katrina hit the year after I moved to Austin. During the months that followed, I felt that people in other parts of the country never fully realized the impact; I lived in a city relatively close, and I don't think I realized the impact. I felt angry when, after learning that Robin and I had volunteered for the Red Cross at the Austin Convention Center three weeks after, a family member said, "People are still there?" I wanted people to know that years later, students I taught, still known as "Katrina Kids," were struggling with life after the hurricane.

I am very privileged to know the author of the following blog entry. I consider her a professional and personal confidante and love her dearly. I am so grateful that she took the time to document her experience and that she had the courage both to revisit the days, weeks, and months following the hurricane and to share it with me and other readers. Please take the time to head over to scatx.com and read her story.

http://scatx.com/2011/08/29/my-hurricane-katrina-story/

My Minnesota Girl

2011-08-19T12:02:00.001-07:00

-- Post From My iPhone

Night and Day

2011-08-16T11:45:00.000-07:00

Like all parents and their children, I am infinitely proud of Lydia. She is...

...flexible. During the past month, she has been shuttled from house to house and bed to bed, and she has trooped through it all. She has stayed true to her sleeping and eating patterns and has shown little to no sign of distress due to all of the changes.

...focused and self-entertaining. Since we left Austin in July, Lydia has taken four 4+ hour car rides, one being the 21 hour drive from Austin to Madison which we made in one day. During those trips, she has had zero tantrums and used NO electronic entertainment--all books, songs, imaginative play, and conversation. We were both in the front seats, so she was all on her own, and she did great.

...a communicator. During the past few months, we have really worked with Lydia to use her words to express her emotions. Through September, we will be spending a lot of time away from Robin, and that is going to be hard on our little Daddy's girl. She has definitely had her tearful moments, but she has learned to say, "I feel sad because I miss Daddy. I want to talk about it." Seriously. She says that, and we talk about it, and she takes a breath and continues on. Last night, she said, "I am a little bit sad because I miss Daddy, and you're a little bit sad, too, but we'll be okay." Tear out my heart, kid.

Now, I do take some pride in posting these things. I think my child is pretty great. However, my true motivation today is that I need to remind myself how great she is after the lunch we just endured while out with my dad.

It all started with a suggestion to go down to TCF Bank Stadium to see a Golden Gopher football open scrimmage. Knowing it would be relaxed, I thought Lydia would enjoy tagging along, so the three of us packed up and drove to the University of Minnesota. I love any opportunity to get Lydia on the campus and allow myself to dream of her attending school there one day and becoming a third generation U of M student where her parents met on their first day of freshman orientation and spent three fabulous collegiate dating years, knowing full well that I will try my hardest not to ever pressure her to attend school anywhere but where she is excited to go.

Anyway, we got to the stadium early, so Lydia and I trucked over to pick up a copy of my transcript to file with my new school district and dropped in to see the woman who coordinated the Orientation program where I was an Orientation Leader during college. After a lovely catch-up during which Lisa supplied Lydia with a little Goldy Gopher and a maroon and gold pom-pom to play with, we headed back to the stadium where Lydia watched our Golden Gophers scrimmage. While sitting in the bleachers, she learned three cheers: "Go, Gophers, Go!" "Rah, rah, ski-u-mah!" and "Gophers, don't break my heart again, please." When she'd had enough, we packed up and headed to Annie's Parlor for lunch.

This is where the break-down began. Throughout lunch, Lydia attempted to (and sometimes accomplished)...

knock over her water.
throw all of her Cheerios on the floor.
yell in the bathroom through her entire time-out (due to the Cheerio incident).
inform me that her Cheerios WEREN'T all gone after she knocked them on her floor, they were in the sink.
eat all of her ketchup with her fingers.
rub her ketchup all over her plate using her pickles.
hit my dad, both with her hand and with her pickles.
throw her sandwich over her shoulder and onto the floor.

At that point, we left. Fortunately, most of the above incidents were mess-making and not people-disturbing, but still. She slightly redeemed herself when she fell asleep approximately three minutes after we strapped her into her carseat, so if I'm following the "Never blame a child that is tired or hungry" rule, she is excused. Regardless, I will definitely be nervous to take her out to eat again. Sheesh.

Our Life in Bulletpoints

2011-08-11T11:54:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted here in about a hundred years--something about a cross-country move, trips between my parents', Robin's parents', and the cabin, planning at my new job, and efforts to socialize and get out and about in Minneapolis and St. Paul has kept me busy and a bit overwhelmed.

Rather than a detailed blow by blow of our move, here's a quick summary.

During the past two weeks, we've...

...celebrated our sixth wedding anniversary with an afternoon Twins' game (bummer loss to the White Sox), a reminiscent stroll through the University of Minnesota, and dinner in Uptown at a restaurant that we quickly decided we will return to again.

...attended our second game at Target Field to cheer the Twins on to a victory over the Red Sox. A night game, breezy weather, the skyline in the background, and a 5-2 scoreboard. It was heavenly.

...connected with friends and family and have tried to make plans to see MORE friends and family soon.

...posted "Lydia Ground Rules" on my parents' refrigerator. They think I'm crazy.

...introduced Lydia to sleeping in a "big girl bed"--a full-size bed at my parents' house. She loves it, and we've noticed no change in her sleeping habits.

...drooled over affordable, local produce sold at farm stands. What a treat!

...explored our new neighborhood. Early observations: Turtle Bread is all it's cracked up to be, Lake Calhoun is the perfect running loop, and we are pumped up about Linden Hills Coop.

...reunited Lydia with her buddy Sam and loved spending an evening with his parents Jess and Sarah.

...hit the 24-minute mark in my "Couch to 5K" running plan. Yes, I'm attempting Couch to 5K for the fourth time, and this is the most successful I've ever been. I'm set to hit 30 minutes in a week and a half!

...enjoyed time spent with all four of Lydia's grandparents, three of her five great-grandparents, cousins, aunt, and uncles.

...tried unsuccessfully to adjust to doing yoga on a podcast. I've got to find a yoga studio.

...wished we had my car here. The Envoy's mileage plus gas prices=big bucks. I'll be reunited with my far more efficient Volkswagen Labor Day weekend.

...read 5-8 Curious George stories a day. My mantra is "Repetition is Developmentally Beneficial." I hope it's true, because I am actively fighting the urge to throw A Collection of Curious George out the window.

...felt wistful when realizing that we are constantly looking forward to showing our Austin friends things we love about Minneapolis. Come and visit, guys!

...spent time at the cabin (Laurie). Perfect weather, perfect water, time in the hammock with books, and my first water-ski run in four years. I was proud to drop a ski and paid with a limp that only lasted for five days.

...spent a week in Wisconsin with the Ganser grandparents (Robin and Lydia), including trips to the zoo, time with Great-Grandma and Grandpa Ganser, and lots of naked time in the backyard.

...celebrated the first 30th birthday of someone in my high school graduating class. (Yay, Chad!) The time has come, and January is rapidly approaching. Oy vey.

More to come soon!

A Must-Share

2011-07-28T16:44:00.000-07:00

If you've looked at our blog ever, you know that Elizabeth, Brian, and Oliver are very good friends of ours. During our last night in Austin, we joined them at Jessica, Aaron, and Aidan's house, and it was a round of good-byes that was so difficult and emotional that I'm right back to my tears as I type this entry. Anyway, I digress...

We were so excited earlier this summer to hear that Brian was hired at UT Press, but Robin and I immediately said, "Wow, this is going to be a huge transition for him." Brian has been a stay-at-home dad since Oliver's birth in April of 2009. I feel so fortunate to have met Brian back in my UTeach days; he is kind, thoughtful, sincere, and one of the most well-read people I know. Here is the blog post that Brian wrote as he ventures into work-outside-the-home fatherhood. As I've written before, I know so many fathers that demonstrate day after day that they are equal caregivers, not babysitters, and Brian's post is not only well-written, it drives home the necessity of acknowledging that men are capable of being nurturing, loving, attentive parents inside the home and out. I couldn't resist sharing it in it's entirety here, lest some of you not make the leap over to their blog.

"When I was in high school I had a low rider. It was a brand new, white Honda Civic Ex, dropped, with a loud muffler, and a loud stereo. It was clean, and I was on top of the world. I felt like a celebrity. If you would have asked me then, I would have told you that that was the most fun I’d ever have. Like most seventeen year olds, I was wrong about a great many things. I’m a little older now, and not prone to the same pitfalls that riddled my teenage years, but I will once again unequivocally announce that the last two years are going to be the best years of my life.

Most anyone who would be reading this blog knows that I haven’t always taken the straightest path. I’ve fallen a few times. To say that Elizabeth and I sat down and made the choice to have me stay home with Oliver would be a lie. I wasn’t doing well at school, and graduation seemed to be getting further away. So, out of necessity, I stayed home with Oliver, worked a couple of nights a week at the bookstore, and tried to support my family in every way that wasn’t financial. It wasn’t a perfect plan, but it was a plan that worked. We ate, laughed, and flourished as a family. I’ve started a new job now, and I love it, but I wanted to take a few minutes to remember what it was like to be a stay at home parent.

Most days at our house start with poop. Oliver almost always fills his diaper in the night, so one of us gets up and immediately changes him. He doesn’t get terrible diaper rashes, but they come when we don’t get to the dirty diaper fast enough. Diaper changing starts the day fast, and with not much room for anything else. So, the first thing you should know about my two years with Oliver is that I didn’t shower much. Maybe 3 times a week. It bothered me sometimes, but mostly it didn’t matter. After poop comes play. Our little bundle of joy is a morning person. His most energetic, focused play comes right when he wakes up. I would get my coffee, sit down and watch him. You can’t do this at 4 in the afternoon; he’s not really an afternoon baby. But between 6:30 and 8:30 you can watch him explore. These were the times that I felt fully appreciative of this experience. It’s also on one of these days that I realized that I wouldn’t change places with anyone in the world. We all fantasize about being someone else, for me it’s always Michael Jordan or Gertrude Stein, but after these relatively quiet mornings, I’m sure that my favorite thing to be is Oliver’s dad. I wouldn’t exchange it for money, genius, France, or the ability to do a 360 degrees dunk. Although the dunk would be second.

Then the fear sets in. Elizabeth has gone to work. We waved to her from our dog slobber stained window, cried, and set about our day. Oliver is an active child. He likes to move, and he likes to be outside. This is great, but if I didn’t provide activities or excitement, he’d turn on me quick. Boredom is his most unlikeable state of being. He’s horrible at being bored. At the beginning it was harder. He couldn’t walk, so most parks were above his level. He was also taking two naps a day, so there was a pretty short window between when we could leave, and when we had to be back for eating and sleeping. Every once in a while we went to the nice park in our neighborhood that has only a few drug dealers stationed there, and we walked Town Lake sometimes, but my day almost always included a trip to some store. Grocery stores are an Oliver favorite, he thinks that everyone is there just to wave at him, and sometimes it seemed like he was right. We walked slowly up and down the aisle, talking about Mac & Cheese, and getting our miniscule assortment of six items. We didn’t want to get too much, because then we couldn’t come back tomorrow. It wasn’t efficient, but it was.

After he got a little older, we lost a nap and ventured into Austin. The Children’s Museum was a hot spot, BookPeople was a must when Miss Staci was singing, and we battled our fare share of peacocks, but the place we visited most was the Science and Nature Center. It had all the characteristics we cherished most: outside and inside areas, shade, water, animals, and dirt. Not to mention, it’s free. The part I love the most about the center is the back trail. If you go to the owl exhibit and keep walking south, you’ll come to a fence, usually open, with a fifteen inch drop-off onto a trail. The trail is completely shaded and serene. There’s almost never anyone else there. We would walk about a quarter mile (probably less) in and come upon a dry creek bed. This bed provided rocks for me to sit on and rocks for Oliver to throw. We’d sit there for an hour or so, drink some water, and practice throwing small rocks at big rocks. I tried to take pictures, but they never came out the way I saw the place in my head.

We’d get home, and it’d be time for lunch and a nap. Nap time hasn’t changed much since he was an infant. We cuddle, we read stories, and we sing a song or two. I’ve been at my new job for three weeks now, and I can’t tell you how much I miss putting him down for his nap. He used to read two stories, now he reads three, and is begging for four. We’ll probably move onto longer stories in place of the fourth, but I feel silly complaining about the length of story time. Oliver Finds His Way, Charlie Parker Played Bebop, Art & Max, and Good Dog, Carl are some of my favorites, but I highly recommend The Tin Forest for those prone to sentimentality, like me. After stories, we give the dogs a kiss and a hug, and move to the rocking chair. I used to sing him the ABC’s because it was the only song I was sure I could remember when I was exhausted, and he seemed to like it. Over the last year I’ve been singing him the theme song to Cheers. He and I both like the song, and it’s turned into a duet. Now that he’s a little older, he doesn’t fall asleep in my arms, which was sad, but it’s been replaced with a big hug and kiss. He grabs his bedmates, Pete the Cat, Grover, and a rubber football, and goes to sleep.

Post nap is Oliver’s toughest time, and I found myself constantly looking to the clock to see when my lovely wife would be home. It was sometimes too hot to go out, and I found myself with no energy to battle him into cloths, into the car, out into the world, and back again in time for dinner. So, we spent afternoons at the house. This meant one thing: Dance Party! I would turn the music up way too loud and we would bounce off the walls until we were too tired to do anything but fall down. I’m sure the neighbors were curious about all those strange sounds coming from my house, but sometimes you just gotta be loud. Some of the favorite selections were Mumford & Sons, Townes Van Zandt, Guy Clark, The Beatles, and Kanye West. But when we wanted to get really loud, and I mean REALLY LOUD, we’d choose Miles Davis, Arcade Fire, or The Tiny Tin Hearts. Lately I’ve been digging through Chuck’s (Elizabeth’s Dad) old records and we’ve been playing a couple of those every day. He’s split between Simon & Garfunkel and Cat Stevens as the most requested. We’ll continue the debates on Saturdays and Sundays.

Elizabeth told me a month ago that I should take the time to enjoy my last few days as a stay at home parent and I tried. But it’s something that no matter how hard you try to take it in completely, it eludes you. The experience can’t be recreated, and it is unequaled by anything I’ve ever done. If you want to get my dad talking about the past, there’s only one way to do it, get his little sister Linda to start the conversation. I remember one particular trip to Mt Charleston with the family. Aunt Linda got my dad talking about something, and it came around to how he got drafted, and how he left school. At the time it was not the plan he had in mind, but without the mistakes, he wouldn’t have become the father and husband he’s become. He said something to the car, but I’ll take it as advice straight to me, “Some of my biggest mistakes have been my best decisions.” I didn’t choose to be a stay at home parent, and it was a necessity built on my mistakes, but it’s the best time I’ll ever have, and I’m grateful to my wife for the sacrifices she’s made, and I’m thankful to Oliver for noticing buses."

Goodbyes

2011-07-20T19:53:00.001-07:00

Way back when, Robin and I began our efforts to return to Minnesota. Through job applications, interviews, daycare and apartment searches, I failed to realize how hard it would be to say goodbye to so many people that we love so dearly. The past week has been loaded with goodbyes, last times, and lots and lots of tears. I lack the writing skill to appropriately convey just how difficult it will be to walk away from friends, and there are few photos--rather than photograph moments during the past few weeks, I have chosen to participate. However, let it be known that as excited as we are to return to the place that never stopped being home, leaving Austin will be the hardest thing I have done in a very long time.

Austin Goodbye #1-House Pizzeria

2011-07-10T15:37:00.001-07:00

Ordered two pizzas: blue cheese and the subterranean. Drank pomegranate-rose Italian soda and 512 IPA on tap.

-- Post From My iPhone

A Preview of What's to Come

2011-07-03T19:13:00.000-07:00

We've had a bustling summer weekend and I will replace this picture with a full post tomorrow, but for now, I just had to share. Lydia has become a swimming superstar, and her confidence and courage in the water is growing each time we visit the pool. Check out her jump!

Lydia the Songstress

2011-07-03T19:08:00.000-07:00

We are so proud that Lydia can carry a tune that we look the other way when the accuracy of her songs isn't so spot-on. Gotta love her ABBs!!! (Stick with it through the ABCs video--nose picking, squirming, and all.)

Lydia Rides Her Bike

2011-07-03T19:06:00.000-07:00

Lydia received a balance bike from Grandma Mree and Grandpa Dale for Christmas. At first, it was too big for her, and then she was just plain terrified of sitting on it. Finally, she has taken to riding her bike. Look at her go!

(Yes, she is wearing a helmet while riding her bike indoors. I want helmets to be a habit for her, since I never adjusted to wearing them and detest them to this day.)

The Great Migration: Installment Two

2011-07-02T06:35:00.000-07:00

Yes, we are really doing it. Last week, I headed to Minnesota for a professional development workshop with two of my new coworkers. While the PD was a bust, the visit proved fruitful for lots of reasons. I was able to meet coworkers and my principal in person, (until now, I had only known them through phone and email conversations), see my new school and classroom, drive my commute (totally manageable), and do a drop-in visit at Lydia's new daycare.

Lots of people have been wondering about our living arrangements. No, our house has not sold yet. Yes, it is on the market. We have had lots of showings, but as our house only has two bedrooms, it takes a pretty specific buyer. We have faith that one will come along, and I promise as soon as it sells, I will shout it from the rooftops. On a related note, showing a house with a dog and a todder: not fun. So far, we have been mostly lucky, but it is impossible to keep the house as pristine as we would like with Lydia and Stanley on the loose. Lots of frantic, last-minute cleaning has ensued, and we have frequented local haunts such as Thunderbird and Cutie Pies while people scope out our home.

While in the Twin Cities, Robin and I discussed a couple options. I looked at some condos for possible purchase, but after thinking about it, we have settled on renting for a year and then buying a house. We don't want to rush into anything or pile on more than we can handle (this move is supposed to be about simplifying, after all), and any house we would be buying would require work upon move-in. I am going to spearhead our rental search in the next few weeks, as Lydia and I will be able to stay with my parents when we move up toward the end of July.

On to the next, yes, Lydia and I will be heading to Minnesota before Robin. He will join us a little over a month later, with one long visit in between. I have to get up to Minnesota for work and because, you know, Minnesota summers are amazing (for the most part), and Texas summers are brutal (for the most part). Cabin time is a must! When we started talking seriously about moving almost a year ago, we knew that the likelihood of all of us being able to move at the same time was slim, and this separation is a difficult yet unavoidable part of the deal.

During my visit, I was able to check out Lydia's new school. I wanted to make sure that the drive between my school and Lydia's daycare wasn't ridiculous (it's not), and that it's not too far from the neighborhood where we hope to settle (it's closer than I thought). I did something that's a huge pain for the daycare but, in my opinion, the best way to make sure a daycare is a good one. I dropped in for an unannounced visit.

I LOVED what I saw. Lydia will be going to the same daycare as her cousin, Ella. (Already, when we talk about Lydia's new school, she says, "I go to new school with my cousin Ella!!) The school is inclusive, meaning that they serve both special- and typical-needs children together in the same classroom. Their mission reads:

Fraser School allows children of all abilities to learn, play and grow side by side...At Fraser School, children with typical needs (without disabilities) and children with special needs contribute to each others’ development in unique and life-changing ways.

We think this will be an amazing opportunity for Lydia, and we are so excited that she will see her cousin Ella on a day-to-day basis. She's pretty excited, too. The teacher-student ratio is fabulous, the facility felt comfortable and welcoming, and we lucked out in terms of location. I think Lydia's going to love it.

Finally, so many people have shown support and excitement for Robin, Lydia, and I as we embark on this crazy moving adventure, but I want to give a special thank you to Kelsey for her very kind and uplifting mention of us in her blog. This process of picking up shop and moving across the country is draining, both physically and emotionally, and her blog entry provided exactly the pick-me-up, affirmation, and encouragement that I needed. Thanks, Kelsey!

Mikey and Mimi: Final Austin Edition

2011-07-02T06:29:00.000-07:00

Last weekend, Mike and Brittany came for a final visit before we pack up and leave Texas. We hit SO MANY Austin spots, some classic--Barton Springs, Amy's Ice Cream, El Chilito (classic to us!), some new and exciting, at least to us--East Side Kings, East Side Show Room, Franklin BBQ, and some places we've been dying to show Mike and Britt--Odd Duck, Gourdough's, and Black Star Brewery. We had a fantastic, relaxed time, and of course, Lydia loved time with Mikey and Mimi!

P-Day: Part Two

2011-07-02T06:15:00.000-07:00

Awhile ago, I posted about our adventures in potty training. Lydia seemed like she might be ready, so we gave it a go with some mild success. We had a great diaper-free weekend. Then came Sunday. A string of accidents, including one in Lydia's carseat, sent me over the edge. Honestly, I was surprised by my complete inability to deal with the carseat accident, and it caused me to realize that both child AND parent need to be ready for potty training. It takes patience, yo.

Now that summer is underway, and I'm home with Lydia most of the time, I have decided to give it a try again. Starting Wednesday afternoon, we have began Project Potty. My piece-meal plan goes like this: no diapers at home when Lydia is awake, pull-up at naptime and bedtime, attempt to run errands with training pants on (a find through Toddler 411--thickly-lined underwear that manage messes but are uncomfortable should the child have an accident, thereby teaching them to use the potty instead). Strangely, Lydia does best when she's not wearing anything on her bottom, meaning she frequently runs around the house with a dress on and nothing underneath. The girl likes to be free.

Over three days, she's had three accidents, two at home and one while out and about. Two of the three occurred while she was eating sweets, making me think that if she's going to do something she really won't want to stop, we need to anticipate and attempt the potty beforehand.

**Warning: Poop Talk Ahead**

Exciting milestones that make me feel this isn't such a crazy idea: Lydia used the "big girl" potty at Thunderbird, she has been good about using the potty for, uh, liquid and solids as long as she isn't wearing a pull-up, and yesterday while at a playdate at her buddy Dax's house, she used his potty multiple times. No accidents!

Who knows how this will stick, but I feel we're at a new phase in the potty training process. We'll see!

A Week of Lyds

2011-06-29T14:56:00.001-07:00

-- Post From My iPhone

Summer Days

2011-06-17T12:14:00.001-07:00

One of the major perks of teaching is (obviously) the summers off. Lydia is done with daycare, so she has been at home since June 1st. We were incredibly lucky to score an awesome sitter two mornings a week, and the rest of the time, I have been home with Lydia (other than a long weekend to New York to visit a good friend--man, I have a lot of catch-up blogging to do!) Lydia is loving being at home, and it's been (mostly) nice to have so much time with her.

During the first two weeks of summer (has it only been two weeks?), Lydia has...

played in the sprinkler...

spent time with her BFFs...

developed her sense of humor...

and her stubborn side...

enjoyed hanging with Patty (who sends us photos through the mornings)...

and enjoyed spending time at home.

We are so lucky.

The Great Migration: Installment One

2011-06-17T11:56:00.001-07:00

As I'm sure is expected, this whole moving-across-the-country thing is no piece of cake. I searched for jobs for over two months before I got a nibble from the school that ultimately hired me, and now we are on to housing and childcare. Typically, I am the panicker and Robin is more laid-back, preferring to let things organically unfold. Sometimes, I am proved to have the more appropriate reaction, other times, Robin wins out. When it comes to child care, I have been panicking. Because we don't have a house yet (more on that later), I had no idea how to even begin our child care search. Since we're going to be staying with my parents this summer, should I look in Forest Lake in case we need to live there when school starts? Should I look in Brooklyn Park, near my workplace? Until recently, we weren't sure if we were going to live in St. Paul or Minneapolis, so the parameters were huge. I was totally overwhelmed.

Note the past tense. After lots of discussions and research, Robin and I have settled on living in south Minneapolis. Not the best location in regards to my school, but when we combined all the pieces and compared neighborhoods that we were excited about, south Minneapolis seemed to be the one that fit best what we were looking for, so I got going on daycare searches.

I contacted a future coworker, and she hooked me up with some suggestions, and I also began a search through a source given to me by a college friend. Then, on a whim, I checked the school that my cousin sends her daughter, Ella. For some reason, I thought it was in a different location than it actually is, and lo and behold, it isn't too far from the neighborhood where we're looking. Within ten minutes, I called the school and left a message, and contacted my cousin, Melissa, who also put in a call for us. Long story short, we have a daycare, and we are super, super excited. We are excited about the center and their mission (more on that in a future post), excited about the location and that Robin and I will be able to share pick-up and drop-off responsibilities, excited that they have hours that will allow us to have Lydia at home two afternoons a week, one with Robin and one with my parents, excited that we have such strong recommendations from family members, excited that Lydia will be able to see Ella on a regular basis and form a relationship--all of that. I am elated, and a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. Yes! Also, let the record show that in this situation, Robin proved to be right. It took all of forty-eight hours to get in touch with the school, talk with them, and secure a spot. I know that several readers are rolling their eyes at our luck, but I wanted to put out there that sometimes, things DO work out.

On the home search front, we are not so sure of anything, but we have some idea of what we're going to do. Our house in Austin has yet to sell, so it's quite probable that we'll rent something in the neighborhood where we're hoping to buy once we get an offer on our Austin home, and I'm feeling more at peace and less anxious. I've even let myself start dreaming of the things that we will be able to do come late summer and fall. While the logistics of moving cross-country are nightmarish, they are necessary to get back to where we want to be, so that helps temper frustration.

And now, scroll up for a Lydia-centric cheery post about our summer days. :)

Bittersweet

2011-06-07T12:51:00.001-07:00

In spring of 2004, Robin and I were boyfriend and girlfriend, living in the Twin Cities. Looking for an adventure and a new place to live after graduation, we headed to Austin, TX--I to attend graduate school and Robin to begin his career. Knowing that we would most likely spend our lives together and wanted to raise a family in the midwest with childhoods very much like our own, we planned to return north in five years. We felt that five years would allow us to give a new place a good run, and we wanted to feel like we were really making the choice to settle down so close to both of our hometowns rather than live there by default.

Seven years later, Austin has become so much more than a place to have fun before we grew roots--it is the place where we got engaged, lived as newlyweds, bought our first home and built our second, where we developed our professional identities, learned that we were pregnant and welcomed our first child. Austin is where we really become "us" and learned how to be a family. For those of you who read Robin's very sweet Mother's Day post, this will not come as a tremendous surprise, but it is with very bittersweet emotions that I announce our plans to relocate to Minnesota this summer.

Minnesota has always felt like home, and each time I've left over the past seven years, I have felt an almost desperate need for the reassurance that one day, Robin and I and now Lydia would return for good. Each fall when the leaves in Minesota are turning colors and we are still enduring ridiculous heat, each winter when Christmas is coming and I'm pumping gas in short sleeves, I have felt a sinking feeling in my stomach. Robin and I both have missed the culture, the Twin Cities, our friends and family, and even the weather, and this year, we knew a move was right. I began my job search in February, and during a time when so many people are looking for work, I was very fortunate to be offered a teaching position at a school in Brooklyn Park.

While there is so much to look forward to and be happy about, I have found myself overcome with lots of sadness during the past couple weeks as this move becomes more real. We will be leaving behind a lot. Friends that have come to feel like family, family members in Austin that have come to be good friends, coworkers who have been a daily source of laughter, love, and support, and all of Lydia's friends--children that we love dearly and have been privileged to see on a regular basis--kids that we would gladly raise as our own. We have spent the past seven years maintaining long distance friendships, so we know that the relationships we have built here will not vanish, but still, the emotional weight of saying goodbye to an entire community is very real.

Logistically, our house is on the market, we're searching for daycares in Brooklyn Park, and are in the beginning stages of our house search in the Twin Cities. Moving dates are not yet set, especially since it is looking like Robin will have to remain in Austin a bit longer than Lydia and I, and I am currently performing acrobatics as I jump through the hoops of the Minnesota Department of Education. It is a good thing that we intend to stay in Minnesota permanently, because the bureaucracy of becoming certified in a new state is enough to send me over the edge. Along with all of this, we are trying to process the idea of life in an old/new place and dream of what our new life will look like while attempting to relish every last moment in Austin and spend as much time with friends as possible.

There will be lots of updates to come, but for now, I wanted everything to be out in the open--so much is on the horizon.

Mothers' Month

2011-06-01T21:22:00.001-07:00

That's right, this post is actually not late because I am officially calling May 2011 'Mothers' Month' and I'll tell you why: because Laurie is -- and has always been -- a quiet sort of rock star. She's the kind of rock star you don't always recognize when you're sitting next to them at the coffee shop, but you kind of feel like it must be someone important.

Mothers' Day -- now 3 weeks ago -- was great. We made our second annual trip out to Pedernales Falls State Park. It's about an hour out of town, west into the Hill country. It was one of the first real sticky days of summer (of course, barely into May). The kind when beads of sweat can't find anywhere to go and just linger on your forehead all day. We hiked down to a perfectly Texas setting; shallow water loafing along between huge Cypress roots and shaded rock outcroppings. We sat, got warm, cooled off in the water and sat some more. On the way home Lydia showed us that she could hold up "2" fingers, indicating her age. She was very proud.

Laurie is excellent at capturing the parts of Lydia's childhood that she knows Lydia will herself one day want to see and remember. She so diligently documents the obscure and seemingly unimportant moments from day to day. I make fun of her for it and I know Lydia will make fun of her for it, at first. But the opportunity to look back and see one's childhood in a way that didn't even exist when we were growing up -- in almost flip-book completeness -- will be treasured.

Laurie is great at all the stand-by motherly instinct sort of things -- like knowing that Lydia is in fact sick and needs to go to the doctor even though she's not showing any unique symptoms (ear infection -- Laurie just knew; I argued and was wrong); like never leaving the house without sunscreen, bug repellent, toys and snacks, and a camera bag (see above); like instilling in Lydia a nighttime routine of saying prayers and expressing gratitude for the people in her life (as opposed to my desire to jump on the bed and tell scary stories).

Laurie is also an excellent teacher. I have always told her this and she always believed me somewhere deep down inside. Thanks to Texas test standards, she can no longer argue with me. She has built herself an enviable resume that (and there will be a great deal more on this) has landed her a position in a highly competitive Twin Cities teaching market. She is passionate about her work, successful in her execution, and everyone around her can see it. She is equally loyal and committed to her co-workers and her students as to her best friends. This is not lost on a two-year old. Lydia's perception of emotion -- and even the intensity of those emotions -- is fantastic. Lydia will grow up knowing that her mother is not only passionate about her career, but that her desire to succeed results in tangible, positive change in people's lives; that her mother's career is an important -- even indispensable -- part of civic life. This makes me incredibly proud of her. It will make Lydia proud of her, and it makes her a wonderful and unique role model of a mother.

May Happenings

2011-06-01T21:06:00.000-07:00

A family reunion in Wisconsin...

...for Lydia's Great-Grandparents' 70th wedding anniversary;

a day at the splash pad;

and Lydia's new obsession with the spice drawer.

Two Kisses for Maddy

2011-05-01T12:05:00.000-07:00

In my junior seminar in college, I got into an argument with a guy named Steve Fletcher. He said he hated personal narratives and felt that a major fault of our American culture was that we don't see social problems as important until we have a face to represent the issue--that millions of people can die in the holocaust, but we only really care after we read the diary of Anne Frank. A huge champion of memoirs and personal narratives, I took offense, and we had a civilized, academic disagreement. I understood his point but didn't see this as a reason to criticize personal stories, nor did I see it fair to criticize people that come to represent larger problems.

Fast-forward. Over two years ago, I turned on an episode of Oprah and saw Matt Logelin. (Yes, there will be a connection. Stick with me.) I have followed his blog since then, even quoting an essay he wrote in one of my favorite posts. For those that don't know, Matt writes a famous blog about his family's story; his wife Liz gave birth to their daughter Madeline in March of 2008 and died suddenly 27 hours later. Matt continued to blog through the experience, and has since garnered a huge internet following and founded a foundation in his wife's honor to provide assistance for widows and widowers with children. About a year ago, Matt announced that he was going to be writing a book about his family's story. When he announced his upcoming book tour, I sent Matt an email asking him to come to Austin. I'm pretty sure I made a really audible noise when I got a reply from Matt telling me he would indeed be coming to read at BookPeople.

On Tuesday, Matt Logelin did a book reading and signing at BookPeople. Our good friend Elizabeth, official big deal at Book People (I'm pretty sure that's her job title), introduced Matt (seriously, she's cool) and totally blew my cover when she talked about how obsessed we both have been with his blog, so I will readily admit that when I spotted him the first time I geeked out in a way that may or may not have been similar to when I saw a pop group (read: boy band) my freshman year in college. My moment of no composure was witnessed by at least two people that are a very regular part of my life, and I'm pretty sure I will have a difficult time looking Brian Contine in the face for a long time.

Matt read from Two Kisses for Maddy, his memoir, and then spent a long time willingly answering questions from his audience. I was struck by how authentic and approachable he seemed. Over three years later, the journey Matt has walked with his daughter continues to amaze me, even moreso after I listened to him talk about his wife's death and his experience since then as a father, widow, and writer. New York Times bestselling author and guest of Oprah aside, Matt said some things that struck me as a parent--on how he has managed to maintain his sense of self while becoming a single parent, on how to talk to a three year old about death, and loving your child. As I told Matt in my original email, his story has made me a better parent and serves as a constant reminder that it is a privilege to be a mother. I feel so fortunate that he has continued to be willing to share his daughter and his former wife with me and thousands of other readers.

After Matt read, Jessica and I lined up to get our books signed. The line was long and Matt took the time to talk to everyone as he signed their book covers, posing for pictures, kissing babies, you know, the usual. (So maybe babies weren't actually kissed--but he definitely understood the importance of baby compliments.) Then comes the cool part: he asked everyone to join him for drinks. Now, this was a Tuesday, and I was not feeling well, plus I knew I would spend the next morning faking my way through a four-hour science review with a classroom of sophomores. Regardless, you know Jessica and I were on it. So yes, we headed to the Driskill and met up with a group of fellow blog readers to have drinks with Mr. Logelin.

It was awesome on so many levels. Obviously, a night out on a weekday with a new group of people is always appreciated for this mom/teacher. Also obviously, I pretty much idolize this guy. I know way more about him (from the blog of course) than makes me comfortable--I feel a bit creepy. Anyway, I adore his daughter, and I smiled every time he mentioned Maddy from the realization that it was the same Maddy I have grown to love through stories, pictures, and videos. Most importantly, though, Matt is incredibly real. He is kind, interested, and easy to talk to. He is exactly the person that comes through in his blog and book, and while he is incredibly self-deprecating and compares his writing to a third grader, I have spent five years attempting to get my students to convey themselves in writing the way that on Tuesday, I confirmed Matt does. (Matt, if you ever read this, I give As for authenticity. You get an A.)

Since Tuesday, I have been thinking a lot about Matt's story. I have revisited the early entries to his blog and started reading his book again. I have brought it to school and shared it with my students, telling them about my exciting moment as a reader when I was able to not only meet but share a drink with a writer that I have followed for years. (I told them food which isn't a lie. I shared a lamb slider at the Driskill.) As I have watched some of them embrace the story in the same way that I did two years ago, I have noticed my own reading change. Initially when we hear tragic, shocking stories, I think the normal thing for most of us to do is think, "What if that happened to me?" and two years ago, that's what I did.

I've realized that while I came to love Matt, Liz, and Maddy and cried for them over the past two years, I was thinking about myself a lot. What if I hadn't been able to mother Lydia over these past two years? What if Robin and Lydia were alone? I won't lie, the "What If"s are still there when I read, but now there is a person attached to the story that is not me. If only for an hour or so, I hung out with the guy that wrote about his wife collapsing in his arms, the guy who carried his daughter out of the hospital without her mother, the guy who, instead of laying down, allowed his love for his daughter to propel him forward and make him into a great father and an advocate for so many people in need. I won't lie, the story feels so different now and so much more important (and those that know me know it was really important to me before), and yes, there have been many more tears as I have revisited Two Kisses for Maddy, now for the guy across from me drinking a beer and all of the other people who find themselves in similar shoes--suddenly alone with children.

So back to Steve Fletcher and my argument years ago, I still feel like it would be ideal for people to understand a problem is a serious just by hearing about it in terms of statistics or in vague, general mention, but personal narratives are often the vehicle to an awareness and understanding of the larger issue. I still don't believe that people only care about the individual they come to know and love via a personal story. The connection between the individual and the larger issue is necessary to make, but as long as it happens, we're all okay. Yet again, Matt and his love for Liz and Maddy have allowed me some personal realizations. If that's not a testament to the power of a story, writing, and a person, I don't know what is. I will never not ask myself "What If" when reading stories--I teach my students that's what good readers do--but in the meantime, I will strive to allow for true, powerful narratives to pave the way to a better understanding of real life issues, and I think Matt, Liz, and their daughter's story, encapsulated in Two Kisses for Maddy, does that.

Thanks Matt, for the visit to Austin, for sharing a drink, for listening to me rant about standardized tests, and allowing us to share your story. It is a privilege.

Sofa for Three

2011-05-01T10:46:00.001-07:00

Sunday lunch at Thunderbird.

-- Post From My iPhone

P Day

2011-05-01T07:26:00.000-07:00

This has been a long week in the Hahn-Ganser household. A whirlwind of illness swept through, hitting first Robin, then me, and ultimately Lydia. We were pretty much incapacitated for the week, save required things at work and one outing that I had been looking forward to for months (look for a blog entry later today). A combined four sick days and one prescription of Amoxicillin later (Lydia had strep--eek!), we are back on the mend.

In the meantime, Lydia hit a major milestone. In a 24-hour period, she used the potty a whopping five times. FIVE TIMES! We started potty incentives awhile ago--a silly band and a cupcake sticker card in the bathroom--we add a sticker every time she uses the potty. On Thursday, she announced while in the bathtub that she had to go "peepee." We put her on the potty and lo and behold, she did! Commence application of cupcake sticker to card. On Friday, she told us, she wanted a cupcake, grabbed the stickers, sat on the potty, and did her thing. I think she has figured out that she can manipulate the system, and used the potty three times in one hour. I think with Lydia, our little reward game is key. She got super excited to pick out more stickers when we went shopping yesterday.

Anyway, yesterday we decided to take the plunge--or at least dabble our toes in the water. We bought some panties at Target, and when we are at home, Lydia wears them. Today Lydia and I went to run some errands, and she wanted to keep her panties on rather than switch to a pull-up, so we went with it. An hour later after driving around with property insurance in the form of a plastic-bag-lined carseat, we arrived home with a dry little girl. From here on out, we will do the same thing--follow Lydia's cues. If she wants to keep the panties on, we'll keep them on. If she wants to switch back to pull-ups, then pull-ups it is. We'll see how everything plays out when she goes to school tomorrow; my guess is she'll stick with pull-ups.

I do not expect this to be the end of Lydia's potty training story. In fact, I expect the whole process to take months, but I am pretty pumped at this reminder that eventually, there will be an end to diapers. As I have dropped bag after bag of dirty disposable diapers into our garbage can and purchased package after package of diapers and pull-ups, I have really regretted not giving cloth diapers a try when Lydia was born. The environmental guilt factor and pocketbook effect have grown steadily, and consider this my public commitment to giving cloth diapers a try should we go in for round two someday. I am eager to get to the point where we are washing panties rather than throwing out diapers, knowing that there is nothing we can do push Lydia to get potty trained until she's actually ready.

Until then, I will ride the high of Lydia's pride every time she uses the potty. Her excitement is pretty awesome!

Lydia and Aidan's Sleep Game

2011-04-17T15:35:00.000-07:00

Thanks to going to the same daycare, Saturday music class, and our Sunday dinners, Aidan and Lydia act like siblings. They fight like siblings, become territorial, all of the good stuff. As they get older, their age difference means less and less, and these golden moments become more and more frequent. Here is Lydia and Aidan's sleep game, which they played for a loooooong time a few weeks ago. I strongly suggest watching all three parts... they are just too cute!

Lydia's First Friend

2011-04-17T11:44:00.000-07:00

Three years ago July, Robin and I met our friends Brian and Elizabeth to share a bottle of wine at a local wine bar. Earlier that day, a nurse had told me over the phone that I was "not not pregnant," but we had already planned to meet at Vino Vino. Robin and I had planned to say that I was not feeling well in order to explain why I wasn't drinking, but shortly into the evening, I let it slip that we more than likely had a baby on the way.

The next time I saw Elizabeth, I was coming from our first appointment with my obstetrician, had a sonogram on hand, had just heard Lydia's heartbeat for the first time, and had confirmed her due date. When I told Elizabeth our baby was coming in March, she said, "So is ours!"* and so began the story of Oliver and Lydia.

Their first play date was before Oliver had decided to make his debut as an outside baby, and as Lydia wiggled on Elizabeth's stomach, Oliver kicked back. They met "in person" when Oliver was about 24 hrs. old, and Oliver has been a consistent part of Lydia's life ever since.

I have to say I love that little boy. His excitement, near-constant grin, and on-the-go nature have won my heart. First of all, he knows the vast majority of NFL ref signals and can tell a mean knock-knock joke. Selfishly, it has been wonderful to have friends to accompany us as we all made the transition to parenthood. On the 12th of April, exactly one month after Lydia's birthday, Oliver turned 2, and yesterday we celebrated two years with this adorable little boy.

As always, Brian and Elizabeth put on a great party, and as I watched Lydia and Oliver chase bubbles in the backyard, as I listened to Lydia talk about "Oliver's birthday party," and give him a hug as we left, I simultaneously marveled at how fast time moves and felt intense pride and love in both Lydia and her first friend.

*Oliver's due date was later changed. He wasn't two weeks late!

Mommy Can't Resist...

2011-04-17T09:59:00.001-07:00

...a great pair of shades.

-- Post From My iPhone

Making Cosmos

2011-04-16T18:27:00.000-07:00

Lydia Dances to Will.I.Am

2011-04-15T05:52:00.001-07:00

Lydia is in love with this song. She's never seen a full episode of Sesame Street, but we heard the song at her music class, and we've been listening to it ever since. Here's Lydia jamming at breakfast time (note how at the end, she says "Mommy's turn!)

and here is a video of the actual song by Will.I.Am on Sesame Street.

It Rained in Austin...

2011-04-07T19:49:00.000-07:00

...and Lydia got to wear her new raincoat!

My grandma sent Lydia some money for her birthday, and I had some fun. I've been wanting to buy Lydia a raincoat for a long time, but someone (*cough* Robin *cough*) said they weren't practical. As Lydia's aunt Heidi pointed out, they're SUPER practical when it rains, so I decided Grandma would definitely approve of using her money for a raincoat, especially when it looks like this:
A dress is also on it's way to our house, courtesy of Great Grandma Gloria, but I wanted to get the photo posted, especially since I think Grandma G. is my most dedicated reader. Grandma also sent a check for me in honor of Lydia's birthday, which I used to purchase a necklace. Yay for birthdays!

(Im)Modesty

2011-04-07T19:16:00.001-07:00

Today I got my haircut at a new salon. I haven't liked my haircuts for awhile, and at the recommendation of a friend, I went to Modesty Hair Studio to get my hair cut by Naomi.

First, let me say that Modesty is super cute, as environmentally responsible as any hair studio in Austin, and they got me an appointment two days after I called. I was late, and Naomi was super understanding. She asked me what I wanted, we chatted, and she got down to business. Her observations about my hair texture, weight, etc. were spot on.

I haven't felt this good about my hair in years.

Being a mom AND a teacher, the frump factor is a huge fear of mine. I feel fairly confident that I have managed to dodge the frump when it comes to clothes, but time is super scarce, and opportunities to look nice and feel "put together" are few and far between, so my ongoing dislike for my hair has been frustrating. (Who wants to get dressed up, struggle with their hairstyle and end up pulling it up anyway?) At this moment, though, I'm unabashedly in love with my hair.

When I walked in after getting my hair cut tonight, Robin said I looked like a shadow of my former self--he was super complimentary, and I think it was much about the actual haircut as it was my clear excitement. As a teacher, spring generally brings lack of make-up, hair up, and exhaustion, and the need to get Lydia out the door with me exacerbates this problem. Only as I saw my reflection as I was leaving Modesty did I realize how much better I felt. I didn't know that I still had it in me to feel this good.

In sum, the Austin shout-out: Modesty Hair Salon. Opened by two women, local, green, pleasant, super cute decor. Do it. This project deserves support.

The mommy lesson: now that I've identified something that 1.) was really dragging down the way I felt about my appearance and by extension, myself and 2.) is easily remedied, I need to make it a priority. I think I'm worth it.

SXSW

2011-03-24T06:41:00.001-07:00

Robin and I didn't make it to many South by Southwest events, but we did venture out to South Congress Saturday evening. I felt the need to document what happens to our town during sxsw. As you'll see, hipstamatic was definitely the best medium for documentation.

Crowd outside home slice. Note the bikes.

Art fair on south congress.

Sidewalk drum circle.

Black Angels play at gueros.

-- Post From My iPhone

Rocking Out

2011-03-22T20:21:00.001-07:00

Among the awesome birthday gifts that Lydia received was a sparkly blue guitar (ukulele) from the Luthers. We brought it over for Sunday dinner, and this is what ensued.

This Needs to be Documented

2011-03-22T20:18:00.001-07:00

A regular part of Lydia's eating process. Checking for more!

She's So Hip

2011-03-22T20:09:00.001-07:00

Last week, South by Southwest hit the city of Austin. Thousands of people swarmed downtown for live music, film, and technical showcases, panels, and general hipster frivolity. The city was packed.

Robin and I have always found SXSW overwhelming, but this year when my cousin Andrew texted us to say that The Strokes would be playing a free show on Thursday night, we decided to go for it. We put Lydia in the backpack, drove downtown, and got into the show. (Our entry is a bit of a story, but we will save that for another time.)

Lydia LOVED walking across the bridge to Auditorium Shores, where the show was taking place. She kept saying, "Wow! Wow! Wow!" She was so excited! She was a bit more apprehensive at the show itself, though she did whip out her air guitar skills a couple times and clapped at the end of each song while cheering, "Yay!!!"

I'm not sure we'll be taking her to another live show any time soon, but it felt good to be spontaneous and push our boundaries a bit. Plus, when Lydia is old, she can say that she saw The Strokes live at the tender age of two.

Lydia's Baby

2011-03-22T19:54:00.001-07:00

For her birthday, Lydia received a gift certificate to Toys 'r' Us from my aunt Judy. On Sunday, after week of visits from Britt and Mike, as well as Uncle Markus, Robin and I headed to Toys 'r' Us to get Lydia whatever her heart desired--as long as it was within the appropriate age range, not too loud, or misogynist.

Lydia has fallen in love with baby dolls, so we had a feeling that this trip would lead us in that direction. Sure enough, Lydia got very excited when we walked into the baby doll aisle and immediately went for two different dolls. One was a baby with a pacifier (Pa-bee!) and the other was a baby with diapers. After much deliberation from the Lyds, she settled on the diaper baby.

Now, this doll (a little boy according to the package and it's blue diaper) didn't only come with diapers. It also came with a bottle. Robin and I, new to the baby doll world, did not read the packaging carefully other than noting that the doll was also anatomically correct. We felt quite progressive as we checked out with our anatomically correct baby doll for our daughter and headed to the car.

In the car, I examined the box. I learned that the bottle actually was meant to feed the baby water and upon "drinking" the water, the baby wet its diaper. Then, sensors placed on the baby's "correct" anatomy told the baby that it needed a diaper change, making the baby cry. (Note: The baby also coos and says "Mama" when you squeeze its hand.)

Sucker that I am, I ignored the voice in my head that said, "Don't let Lydia know the bottle actually functions and the baby drinks water. She will never know!" Instead, we got home, I broke the baby free from its box and filled its bottle with water. We fed the baby some water. Lydia was very excited as the baby made sucking sounds (seriously.) And then the magic happened.

The baby wet its diaper. And by "wet its diaper," I mean water started gushing out of the holes in the baby's correct anatomy and all over my jeans and the floor. In all of their efforts to make a realistic baby, turns out the company forgot realistic diapers. No leak protection there!

Lydia looked confused, I looked horrified, and Robin promptly figured out a way to plug the bottle so no water comes out.

Crisis averted.

Two

2011-03-22T19:33:00.001-07:00

Somehow, in the midst of life happening, our little girl turned two. Unlike her first birthday, we were not counting the weeks and days leading up to this milestone, since there weren't any impending major changes. Last year at this time, Lydia's birthday meant the end of breastfeeding, a carseat switch (that has since been deemed unsafe--oops!), and the end of a year of firsts. This birthday, we found ourselves about two weeks prior realizing that there had been no invitations ordered, no party plans made, and we were generally a mess.

Fortunately, Robin and I thrive on last minute, frantic preparations (we all remember Lydia's birth where we showed up at the hospital and were told to push), so invites were quickly put together and sent out and party planning began. Cupcakes were made, cocktails were mixed, and appetizers were spread. Lydia requested "mee-nut," so peanut butter and chocolate it was, along with strawberry-balsamic vinegar, and carrot cake cupcakes.

We spent Lydia's birthday surrounded by friends and family, and Lydia loved every minute.

We frosted some cookies,

ate some cake,

opened amazing presents,

and celebrated our two-year-old.

Lyds on the Silver Screen

2011-03-04T18:05:00.001-08:00

Or Youtube, at least. Here's some footage I've been meaning to get online!

Lydia serving us some coffee. If you enjoy toilet humor, listen carefully when she squats down at the beginning. There is an audible fart from the Lyds.

Note how polite she is when asking whether we're done.

With her birthday rapidly approaching, Lydia has taken strongly to the "Happy Birthday" song. Not lacking self-esteen, she sings it to herself. Here she is before school this morning. "Happy-Doeday, Eeeee--aaaaahhhh!!!!"

Here is Lydia being silly with Robin.

But better yet, here is her laughing at herself in the very video posted above. Clearly, she thinks she is hilarious. I love that she gets her own humor when watching it on a screen.

Finally, here is Lydia in a crazy mood; fortunately, she's not this wired very often. This was tonight, after she was done with dinner but while Robin and I were still sitting at the table.

Mom and Daughter

2011-02-27T20:07:00.001-08:00

Since I'm usually behind the camera, there are not a whole lot of photos of Lydia and me. Robin took these this weekend. I love them!

Lydia and Simone

2011-02-27T06:37:00.000-08:00

Robin's cousin Cory and his wife Rachael live about one mile from us in Austin. In August, they welcomed the beautiful Simone to their family. Even before Simone was an outside baby, we talked about setting up a baby swap so that we could get somewhat regular date nights without having to worry about scheduling a sitter, etc.

We finally got it up and started in January and since then, Lydia's love for cousin "Mone" has become quite apparent. VERY apparent. Lydia is obsessed with Simone. She gently touches her face, gets down on her eye level and smiles and giggles, and gives her toys to play with (and only sometimes gets jealous that Simone then actually plays with them). If we even mention that Simone is coming over or Lydia is going to Simone's house, we hear about it until Lydia sees her. "Mone's 'ouse? Mone? My 'ouse?" When Simone goes to bed here and Cory and Rachael pick her up after Lydia is asleep, the first thing Lydia does in the morning is run into our room to look into the Pack 'n' Play, in hopes of finding "Mone-ey" ready for more playtime.

During the past month or so, Simone has started responding to Lydia, too. She reaches for her face, smiles, and last night she played with Lydia's toes. It is so much fun to watch them become buddies!

(Note that Lydia is wearing her shorts over her pants. Her PJs were new, and she really wanted to wear the shorts, but we were worried she would get cold at night. This, my friends, is what compromise looks like!)

That's My Girl

2011-02-21T19:47:00.000-08:00

Lydia's Besties

2011-02-21T19:25:00.000-08:00

How I love these three chidren...

Conversations with Lydia

2011-02-19T19:07:00.000-08:00

It is hard to describe Lydia's verbal skills. She is extremely good at communicating what she wants. She combines words, gestures, and awesome facial expressions to let us know exactly what is on her mind. (She has recently added eye-rolling to her arsenal, as well as "Ummmmm.... no." I wonder where she gets it...) While she's effective, she definitely uses Lydia-speak. "Bote" is milk, "Boo-boot" is music, "Mimi" is Brittany," "Bapi" is Mikey," "Un-toe" is uncle. (Note sounds are generally consistent; she says "t" instead of "k" for example.) She has words can be understood by most people, but she has lots that require a parent's ear.

Regardless, I am continually amazed by her ability to remember and convey her thoughts. Tonight I was rocking her (like a baby), and here's how the conversation went:

Me: Lydia, did you have a good day?
Lydia: Yes. Lee-ah goo day. (Lydia good day.)
Me: Who did you see today?
Lydia: Ahh-woo. Aidan. Aba. (Oliver. Aidan. Ava-a classmate at school.)
Me: You saw Ava today?
Lydia: No. Boo-boot cass. (Music class.)
Me: You went to music class?
Lydia: Yes.
Me: Did you eat tacos?
Lydia: Tah-toes.
Me: Did you go to the book store?
Lydia: Boots. (Books.)
Me: Did you eat a cupcake?
Lydia: Yes.
Me: What kind of cupcake did you eat?
Lydia: Mee-nut. (Peanut. *Yes! It was a peanut butter/chocolate cupcake that we shared.)
Me: I love you, Lydia.
Lydia: I wuv you, Mommy. All done baby. (Gets up and lays on my chest instead of being cradled.)

General Update

2011-02-19T18:46:00.000-08:00

The last time I wrote an extensive blog entry, I was not in very good spirits, and from the lack of entries on the page, I'm guessing it's evident that while things are trucking along, we're still pretty overwhelmed in our household. As I wrote awhile ago, I am really working to be my best self for Lydia and Robin, and this means coming home after long days at work to be an attentive, engaged, and patient mother and partner. Once we get Lydia to bed, Robin and I try to spend some time together, and I try to refocus, restore, and do all of the other things that we need to do to keep our household semi-together and keep me relatively sane. Blogging falls by the wayside, especially in stressful times.

Our ELA TAKS (the monster test that measures our school performance at the state and federal level) is coming up. While I feel cautiously optimistic about my students this year, it is still very high-pressure, and every slip-up that I or the kids make feels catastrophic and blown out of proportion as the days roll by and the test gets closer and closer. This paired with the "Reduction in Force" list that was revealed and the loss of 14 teaching positions on top of many more support staff positions on just our campus makes for an emotionally draining workplace. If I didn't love so many of my coworkers and students so dearly as well as believe firmly that what we do is critical and imperative, I would surely have lost my mind by now.

Adding to the craziness was Lydia's second bout with the flu--not the flu as in she was feeling a little under the weather, but the real, full-blown flu, complete with lack of appetite (she hardly ate anything for five days), fever (103+), and general misery. She was out of daycare Monday through Wednesday. Poor baby. This also concurred with a visit from Robin's parents; while Marie, ever the optimist, pointed out that her flu forced us to just hang out and relax, it was not the fun-filled weekend that we had hoped they would have.

I will do more of a hit list later, but now you know that I am still blogging--trying at least.

Girls' Weekend

2011-02-19T18:39:00.001-08:00

Robin is on Mancation in New Orleans, so Lydia and I are hanging out for the weekend. As I was rocking Lydia tonight and asking her about her day, she listed the things we had done and the people we had seen. Oliver and Aidan. Music class, bookstore, cupcakes, tacos. I realized that today was exactly what I used to do on my days alone, just toddler-style. We went for breakfast tacos at my favorite spot (and were joined by Elizabeth, Brian, and Oliver). We went to music class and then out for lunch (with Jessica, Aaron, and Aidan). We came home and took a nap. (I watched Glee.) When Lyds woke up, we headed to BookPeople (and hung in the kids section, not adult fiction). After scoring some new books for Lydia (with a discount, thanks to a friend!), we headed to Sugar Mama's to split a cupcake (before dinner, mind you. I have to teach her some vices, right?!?!) We came home, ate dinner, did the bedtime routine, and now Lydia is sleeping and I have a quiet house. We will be excited to have Robin back, but today was a great day.

A Good Day

2011-02-01T18:51:00.000-08:00

Lydia was a little stinker tonight. She was the girl who cried poop while in the tub, prompting me to take her soaking wet little body out twice to get on the potty. (No poop, in case you are wondering.) When Robin wanted to watch the Badgers game , I said I would read to Lydia alone, but she had other ideas. She stood in the corner of the room, looking at me saying, "No. No. No." The girl has definitely come to appreciate her bedtime routine, and it's best when we don't diverge, so Robin paused the game, and we read bedtime stories as a family.

In our routine, Lydia gets a bath and she and Robin stand at the sink for her to brush her teeth and drink some water. She then gets her PJs on, and we read books. Robin kisses her goodnight, and I rock her for awhile before putting her in the crib. Recently Lydia has added "Baby Lydia" to the routine. She likes me to hold her like a baby (cradled) and grins like a goofball when I do so. Today, I asked her if she had a good day. She said, "Yeah." I repeated, "Lydia had a good day," and she echoed, "Baby Lydia day... Baby Lydia good day." Then, "Mommy good day." "Yes, Lydia, Mommy had a good day." An hour prior, I would not have called today good, but in that moment, when everything seemed warm and fuzzy and saturated with love for my little girl, all I could do was agree.

Three Weeks in Pictures

2011-01-29T14:49:00.000-08:00

There are lots of things I've meant to write about during the past three weeks, but I just didn't get around to it. Some of these photos may pop in retro-blogging entries, but I'm not making any promises. So, what have we been doing for the past three weeks?

Making gingerbread people with Daddy.

Discovering the awesome Boggy Creek Farms, a farm dropped in the middle of East Austin. We stop there before music class.

Playing with Aidan at the Luthers.
Enjoying the thrill of jumping onto a mattress laid out on the floor.

Attempting to bake all of the bread we eat.
Going shopping ("Bye!") for "books."
Playing with Apple Photo Booth in an attempt to get some pictures of Lydia and me.

Still Blogging

2011-01-29T14:34:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, my mom asked me if I was still blogging. While my lack of entries would indicate otherwise, the answer is that I'm trying. Time flies, our internet has been down, we have a toddler... there is a myriad of excuses. The honest explanation would be that lots of things are weighing heavy on our hearts right now, it's often difficult to write with the optimism that Lydia's developments warrant, and by the time Lydia is down for bed and the house is in order and we're ready for the next day, I often just want to veg on the sofa.

What's weighing on our hearts, you ask?

Austin ISD is in financial crisis. The estimated budget shortfall is tremendous--substantially larger than the estimates we were given two months ago. Hundreds of teachers and staff will be losing their jobs, programs will be cut, schools will be closed, and I fear that the Austin schools will never be the same. It is depressing to say the least, and a dark cloud has loomed over workdays at school.

Some family friends' son passed away at the end of November very unexpectedly--two months ago today. I didn't say anything about it then because I felt that anything that came to mind didn't do justice to their grief, suffering, and loss. As the past two months have passed by, the stark, empty reality that things for them will never be the same has set in, and I have been thinking about the Bellomy family non-stop. This is the first time since Lydia was born that someone in our lives has lost a child, and the fear, empathy, and shared grief that I have experienced as a parent has been difficult to process. As time passes and we have spent some time with Gary, Carol, Wes, and Connor, I am still boggled.

To lay it out there, we're tired, and Robin and I both feel like we have a lot on our plates. After my lofty New Years resolutions and goals, the blog has fallen by the wayside--again. I think I easily fall into a guilt cycle of feeling badly that I haven't kept my resolution and promise to myself, of knowing that people check the blog and are disappointed that the same entry from weeks ago is sitting on their screens. Feeling badly leads to avoiding the source of guilt, which leads to not blogging. And here I am.

Why It's Not Daycare

2011-01-08T12:01:00.000-08:00

I am definitely aware of language. I think about the words I use, and I think about the words used around me. Various experiences throughout my life have enforced this, and I think it's a good thing.

And so begins my rant on "Daddy Daycare," fathers who "babysit," and "Mr. Mom." If you think I'm oversensitive on this, if you think I'm crazy for having a degree in Women's Studies, I would suggest you stop reading, because I've been pushed over the edge and I'm frustrated.

It's not daycare when a father cares for a child. It's parenting. Get it straight. When a man cares for a child alone, he's not pretending to be a mother. He's being a father.

I recognize that for many, these phrases are cute. They picture a man, often a boyfriend, husband, or partner, caring for a child, being sweet, affectionate, and gentle. However, if we think about it, comparing a care-giving father to daycare or a babysitter is a tremendous insult to their role as a parent, and implying that a father should only act in these ways when the mother is not able is ridiculous. If we accept that this sort of care-giving is only for rare occasions when daycare is needed, we are perpetuating the idea that a disproportionate amount of child-rearing should fall on women, and, if I dare say, we are letting less involved fathers off the hook. These phrases call back to a time with very fixed, inflexible ideas of domestic roles and gendered responsibilities, and this is not okay.

I read an essay by Matt Logelin, a widow whose wife died twenty-four hours after giving birth to their only child. He described the surprise he encounters when people realize that he, a man, can dress their daughter, care for her, and raise her alone. When his wife died, people actually asked him if he was going to give Maddie to someone else, presumably a woman, to raise.

In the essay, Matt said he was simultaneously assumed to be incompetent and praised for the smallest of feats. He said, "Society also mythologizes the good, single father. A man who steps up to his role as father is looked at in awe. Mothers? It seems that most people think nothing of the remarkable work done by these women. They’re just doing “their” job, right? Women are expected to be good mothers. Men are expected to be, well, men."

People do not expect men to innately know how to care for children and when men show themselves as capable, people are surprised and impressed. On the flip side, mothers are expected to carry the wealth of knowledge necessary for raising children, along with patience, kindness, and energy. The learning curve and expectations are pretty steep.

I think about the number of families in our lives with parents who parent equally, and I'm not talking about who goes to work and who stays home. I'm talking about parents who, in the early months, split night duty, feedings, comforting, and all of the tasks that come with child-rearing. I think of men who are single parents. I think of gay men in our lives who plan to adopt and will eventually be tremendous partners; their kids won't have a "mother," and they will be loved and nurtured. These men are not providing daycare, and they're not playing the part of "mom." They're parents. They're fathers. To imply any different would be selling them gravely short.

Day Seven: Freestyle Friday

2011-01-08T11:40:00.000-08:00

I've decided that Friday will be the day I allow myself to get away from my designated focus of the week. In my research on depth of field and bokeh, I discovered a tutorial about shooting sunsets. This was what the sky looked like when I got home on Friday.

Day Six: Close-Ups

2011-01-08T11:39:00.000-08:00

Attempt Number Two. I love some of these shots. My next step will be figuring out how to get the focus a bit sharper.

Frosty?

2011-01-05T18:57:00.000-08:00

My aunt Judy loves Lydia. Really, really loves her. So much that she made her this gorgeous, adorable, and super cozy snowman quilt. Isn't it adorable? It's backing is flannel, and I snuck it away for a nap while we were in Minnesota over break, and it was truly glorious--both the nap and the comfy blanket. We thank you and appreciate how much you love our daughter, Judy!

Day Five: Nice Try

2011-01-05T18:52:00.001-08:00

I had hoped to play with depth of field by taking close-up pictures of Lydia. I had grand plans for eyes, eyelashes, fingertips...turns out she wasn't so much in the mood. That's my girl.

A Mind of Her Own

2011-01-04T19:03:00.000-08:00

As Lydia approaches two, the moments in which her little wheels are almost visibly turning are more and more entertaining for us. I am constantly boggled by the amount of things she just knows. When Elizabeth shared with us that Oliver knows his colors, I was floored. Lydia? Know colors? No way. I immediately started asking her what color various things were. Everything--I mean everything--was "boo!" (Blue) We occasionally got a "Pit!" (Pink--I think.) As I promptly began worrying that Lydia was colorblind, I had the brilliant idea to ask her to identify the red fish. She got it right! The green fish. Right again! Lydia knows her colors, she's just not able to say them independently. Crazy, right?

She has taken to two new toys: her animals and dollies. Lydia LOVES playing with her animals. She moves them around, lines them up, and even laid them down to go to sleep when it was her bedtime. It is adorable.
While at my parents' and Robin's parents' homes, Lydia had the opportunity to play with dolls. My parents still have the wooden doll cradle I played with, and Lydia loved it. I will admit that I feel very self-conscious whenever Lydia takes to something so gender-stereotypical, but I have also always been of the mindset that if she expresses interest or excitement in something, we will allow her to explore it, so dolls it is. She covers them with blankets, rocks them, attempts to swaddle them. She pats them and sings to them. (The song goes, "Hee-da, hoe-da, hee-da, hoe-da." Don't ask me.) Last night, she played with dolls for almost an hour. Seriously.

Finally, she's starting to enjoy helping us and "working" around the house. For Christmas, Great Aunt Treesuh gave Lydia a broom and dust pan. We didn't hesitate putting her to work.

Prior to this, she had asked for help putting on her apron (a gift from Grandma and Grandpa Ganser), and then brought me my apron. (As a side note, I believe everyone who works in a kitchen should have an apron. They are so useful!) As I was tying it in the front, as I usually do, she said "Bah! Bah!" Obviously, I was supposed to tie it in the back.

It took quite a while to get a cute shot of the two of us in our aprons. Somebody thought it was hilarious to make faces at Daddy during the photo session. (This was definitely not anger. She's just a ham.)

Day Four: Bedtime Reading with Daddy

2011-01-04T18:40:00.000-08:00

This is my first (and not so great) attempt at playing with depth of field with human subjects. I didn't quite meet my photography objective, but I like the moment captured of Robin and Lydia.

Also, as a shout-out, my long-time friend Helena has her own 365 project going at her blog, which can be found here. Helena is incredibly talented, and her photos deserve an audience!

Day Three: Depth Charge

2011-01-04T18:35:00.001-08:00

In my search for guidance in my 365 Project, I came across The Pioneer Woman, a popular blogger who started a site devoted solely to photography. She has a very helpful entry about bokeh (the blurry circles created by light sources), and by extension, depth of field. After playing, this is what I got.

Day Two: Research

2011-01-04T18:31:00.000-08:00

The challenge for this week is Depth of Field. I paid very little attention in the high school photography class I took my senior year, so I'm doing my own research. As I come across cool blogs that have tutorials, I will include them in the blog roll on the right.

Happy New Years

2011-01-01T09:40:00.001-08:00

I have always been fairly open about my dislike of New Year's Eve. I feel like it's a lot of pressure and expectation for a night that doesn't always end up being very pleasant. This year, however, we had a fantastic New Years. Our wonderful friends Brian, Elizabeth, Jessica, and Aaron came over and we munched delicious snacks, drank wine and cocktails, and laughed loudly as we rang in the New Year while Lydia and Oliver slept upstairs. (Aidan was home with his grandparents.) We never made it past the kitchen island and didn't even bother trying to keep things tidy. It was wonderful--a perfect way to say goodbye to 2010 and welcome in 2011.

Here comes the part where I go public with my New Years Resolutions. I have three:

1.) Blog more regularly--entries with text at least twice a week plus the photo entries I post from my phone and my 365 project photos.
2.) Complete the 365 project.
3.) Keep a gratitude journal.

The first two will be public, the third will be just for me. I have never set such measurable resolutions before, so I'm excited to see how it goes.

Day One: View From Above

2011-01-01T09:33:00.000-08:00

I have decided to participate in the 365 Project. My goal is to take one picture every day for the entire year. Obviously, all you have to do is look at the thousands of pictures on our Picasa page to know that I take more than 365 pictures in a year, but I will often go for several days without picking up my camera. I'm excited about the project and am hoping to use it to push myself out of my photography comfort zone. In this photo, I tried taking a picture of Lydia from a new perspective. Without further ado, I present to you Entry 1:

Laundry List

2011-01-01T09:18:00.000-08:00

It has been far too long since I blogged regularly. One of My New Year's resolutions is to get back to blogging regularly. Some big things are off of my to-do list, so I think it should be easy to get back into it.

In the meantime, what has Lydia been up to?

Playing more and more creatively. She scored big time at Christmas and is becoming more and more independent with her play. For example, right now she's playing with her Duplo animals while I blog. Crazy!

Showing some interest in the potty. She had one awesome week during which she actually used the potty three times, but her interest has fallen off since then. We're not pushing the process at all but are excited about this indicator that we will not be changing her diapers forever.

Stringing words together! Her vocabulary is growing quickly, though she still does a lot of "Lydia speak," words that only those who are around her frequently can understand. However, two or three word phrases have become frequent, and yesterday, she started saying, "Ummmmmm, no" or "Ummmmmm, yes" when asked a question.

Per my New Year's resolution, I will have more posts about our travels and more regular updates about the goings-on in our house, but until then, Happy New Year!

Lydia's Mimi

2010-12-23T14:47:00.000-08:00

2010-12-20T07:54:00.001-08:00

After stopping for the night in St. Louis, we made it to Chicago. We spent some wonderful time with Mimi (Lydia's word for Britt) and Mike, and now we're off to Madison.

-- Post From My iPhone

On the Road Again

2010-12-18T06:46:00.001-08:00

Retroactive blogging will begin soon, but until then...

(Robin unbuckled Lydia while he was putting gas in the car. He turned around and found her like this.)

-- Post From My iPhone

Big Girl Swing!

2010-11-27T14:18:00.001-08:00

-- Post From My iPhone

Drastic Changes

2010-11-27T14:09:00.001-08:00

Yesterday...

And today.

-- Post From My iPhone

Public Plea: Austinites, Please Read

2010-11-21T14:44:00.000-08:00

The Austin ISD public schools are projecting a $35 million shortfall during this coming year. In less than a month, School Board members will be meeting to vote on ways in which to accommodate this deficit.

One of the proposals on the table would be, in my opinion, hugely detrimental to the Austin public schools. The members will be voting on whether or not to take away one planning period from middle and high school teachers. Logistically, this would mean that our planning time would be cut in half. For those that don't know, that time is when we meet with colleagues to create and refine curriculum, collaborate to better serve students that are struggling, and occasionally have time to actually prep for class and grade papers. In order to be effective in the classroom, teachers need some time to prepare and meet with our coworkers, just as in any other profession.

Cutting this time in half will insure a substantial decline in the education Austin students receive. It WILL be detrimental and damaging to our youth, let alone the quality of life and work conditions for teachers.

In terms of staffing, this move will also mean 1 in 8 teachers at the middle and high school levels will be laid off. 1 in 8. In a district with nearly 40 middle and high schools, this transfers to 600 people. Roughly 600 teachers will lose their jobs.

Let me say that again: 600 PEOPLE in the CITY OF AUSTIN ALONE will lose their jobs. AND THEY DON'T HAVE TO. AND IT WILL HURT AUSTIN'S KIDS.

In order to compensate for the $35 million shortfall, teachers have presented several options to that would allow us to both keep our planning periods and allow those 600 teachers to keep their jobs and maintain the level of quality of our schools. Furthermore, the district has a "rainy day fund" that holds $120 million dollars. I'd say this counts as a rainy day. The board has options and cutting teachers is only one of them.

These cuts are not necessary. We can save our schools.

So what can you do? On Monday evening at 6:30, there will be a school board meeting at 1111 West 6th Street, Room B-100, Austin, Texas. Please be present if possible. If anything, show up in solidarity with teachers. Please. Our school board members, who gain their position by votes, need to see that their voters are not okay with a move that will, without question, hurt Austin children's education. If you can't be at the meeting, contact your school board representative. Flood their voicemail. Flood their inbox. Send them letters. If you don't know who your representative is, a list can be found here:

http://austinisd.org/inside/board/members.phtml

Many of you have have supported me in my efforts as a teacher. I know that you value education and the role it plays in children's futures. Please, if you live in Austin, take this seriously and speak out. We teachers need you.

On the Way to School

2010-11-16T10:00:00.001-08:00

-- Post From My iPhone

Chillin'

2010-11-13T08:13:00.001-08:00

-- Post From My iPhone

Braggy McBraggerson

2010-11-12T13:24:00.000-08:00

I have debated sharing this because I didn't want to come off as too self-congratulatory, but I have decided that enough of you have shown interest and support in our lives that I would post this.

At the beginning of the school year, a writer from Education Week came to observe several classes at our school. They later contacted me to do a teacher profile and sent a photographer to my classroom. The article was printed in Education Week and is also featured on their website, along with the profile and a video of me. I'm trying to get my hands on a paper copy of the article, since it features a really cute picture of one of my students and me. Here are the links!

The article about the Professional Development program, Quality Teachers for English Learners.

The Teacher Profile on me. (The video is towards the bottom. The still shot before it starts is terrible!)

The Three of Us

2010-11-07T07:34:00.001-08:00

Pictures of Robin, Lydia, and I together are a hot commodity, since either Robin or I are usually behind the camera. Yesterday we got out the tripod before bringing Lydia to music class. Note her sweater: Grandma Marie and Grandpa Dale brought it back for her from Ireland!

Malia

2010-11-05T21:17:00.000-07:00

I am a believer in shared experiences. I feel that knowing people are thinking about you, caring about you, sending you prayers, positive energy or thoughts, and all of those things eases difficult and trying situations.

For awhile, I have been following the Caring Bridge site of a little girl from my hometown. I've never met her or her family, but a high school friend posts links to Malia's site on her facebook page, so I began checking on them. I found myself drawn to this little girl and her family.

Malia is a nine-year-old girl who has been diagnosed with Stage Four cancer, and at this point, the doctors believe they have done everything they can for her. I feel compelled to share her story via the Caring Bridge site her mother so diligently updates.

Malia's Caring Bridge site can be found at http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/maliapeterson. They ask that you register and provide an email address and create a password for the site, but in my past experiences with Caring Bridge, I have had no issues with junk mail or spam.

I think about how much it has meant to me during these past days to know that people have thought about Lydia, have empathized with the things that were so difficult in this blip of a medical difficulty. As this family deals with something so potentially catastrophic, I can't imagine that the same empathy would be appreciated by them.

Lydia Update

2010-11-05T21:15:00.001-07:00

Lydia is doing much better. She is responding well to antibiotics, and we only had to give her tylenol once today for fever. Even then, it was relatively low-grade. She is acting like herself and has bounced back nicely. Robin stayed home with her today, but we are guessing she will be back in daycare on Monday.

We are looking forward to a relaxing weekend, and I'll be updating with post-dated blogs from our October adventures!

No Dr. McDreamy for Us

2010-11-04T17:28:00.000-07:00

I used to be an avid fan of Grey's Anatomy. They lost me during the whole Izzie Stevens/ghost of Denny Duquette thing happened, and when George O'Malley was was written out, it sealed the deal. However, most of what I know about hospitals comes from Grey's Anatomy and E.R. The only time I have ever been in the hospital was when Lydia was born, and that was for thirty-six hours in the labor and delivery unit.

Do you see where I'm going with this? On Tuesday, Lydia was sent home from daycare with a fever. Robin picked her up early at about 3:30, and her teacher reported that she was hot, had a temperature of 101 degrees, and was breathing shallowly during nap time. We began giving her fever reducing medicine, and I put in for a sub for Wednesday. At bedtime, I noticed that she was breathing more quickly than usual, and after a conversation with our pediatrician, had determined that her breathing was in relation to her fever. She slept well, and Wednesday morning seemed to be about the same, mostly feverish.

As the day progressed, I became somewhat uncomfortable with the fact that her breathing was still notably faster than usual, enough so that I wanted to see our doctor. I made an appointment for 1:15, and shortly thereafter, the circus came to town.

Over a period of about twenty minutes, Lydia had three "episodes" during which she began breathing more quickly, lost color in her face, and scariest of all, her lips and chin turned bluish. These episodes lasted less than a minute each (probably less than 30 seconds), and she would shiver afterwards. In a panic, I tried to call our pediatrician, but she was on the phone with another patient. I kept thinking about all of the things I've read that said to listen to my instincts, and my instincts were telling me that waiting for her appointment wasn't a good idea, and I realized that if waiting for our doctor to finish a phone call felt like too much of a wait, my instincts were saying this was urgent. I was scared that the episodes would become more severe or more frequent, and I had no idea what was bringing them on. Robin had just walked in the door for lunch, so I informed him that we were taking Lydia to Dell Children's.

On the way there, I called to see if they wanted us to go to Urgent Care or the ER. As soon as I described Lydia's symptoms, they told me to go to the ER, so we headed there. Lydia had one more breathing episode in the car, and I felt like we were making the right choice.

Back to Grey's Anatomy. I now understand why they make hospital shows about rare disease after rare disease. Why? Because emergency rooms and hospitals are not so much exciting and suspenseful as they are terrifying and stressful. We were at Dell's for about six hours, during which Lydia was suited up in a gown, monitored, poked, and prodded. She was a champ and charmed all of the doctors and nurses, but there's something about holding your screaming child while nurses insert a catheter for a urine sample or dig around for a vein to get blood that is traumatic. While we have reveled in Lydia's blossoming verbal skills, her ability to scream "All done!! All done!!!" and "No! No! No!" made the experience pretty traumatic, especially because as they ran test after test, took x-rays, and asked us questions, it became apparent that we were not going to leave with any definite answers as to what was going on and I felt like I had either been imagining the breathing episodes or had overreacted.

Ultimately, they attributed the breathing episodes to Lydia's rising fever. While they didn't find any bacteria in her blood or urine screens, her white blood cell count was high enough to warrant anti-biotics, so she was given shots in both of her thighs, and we were told to make a follow-up appointment with our doctor today.

With that said, Dell Children's did a great job of trying to make our time there more patient friendly.They had Child Life Specialists who provided Lydia with toys, and when we got hungry, they brought us a boxed lunch. The Specialist was on hand to answer questions, explain procedures, and offer comfort measures, such as positions to hold her during the blood draw, books and a hand-held movie player to distract her, etc. We never felt like we were being ignored, and while we were there for awhile, none of our waits were extraordinarily long; they just wanted to be thorough and it took time to get each test result back.

Today, I stayed home again and took Lydia in to see our pediatrician. They ran a strep culture and tested for the flu, both of which were negative. She validated our choice to take Lydia to the ER, saying she would have done the same thing. Since Lydia seemed to be responding so well to her anti-biotic shot, she gave her an extended prescription for more to fight a possible infection. Today she seemed better, but she is still not quite back to herself.

A huge thank you goes out to Jessica, who quickly volunteered to come over and sit with Lydia today. I hadn't showered since Tuesday (or washed my hair since Monday--eek!), and we were in desperate need of groceries. Mostly, I was so glad to have face time with someone who wasn't a doctor. She is an awesome friend. We have also had offers from other friends to provide anything we need, and for that we are very grateful. A co-worker stepped up today and helped my sub get in order, and lots of people have been checking in on Lydia. I get really emotional when I think of the support we get from so many.

So guess why, when trying decide what to do in an attempt to come down after the day's craziness, Robin said, "NOT watch Grey's Anatomy."

Ode to My Coworkers OR The Second Annual Lanier Homecoming Teacher Dance

2010-10-28T17:45:00.000-07:00

Without much question, I have some of the best coworkers ever. Happy Homecoming, Lanier Vikings!

She's Got Skillz

2010-10-26T20:12:00.002-07:00

Lydia seems to be learning new tricks every day. She uses a spoon like a pro and will insist on having it when she eats. She still resorts to using her fingers at some point during the meal, but she uses a spoon or fork the majority of the time.

She has fallen in love with her baby doll. She feeds it, requests that I change its diapers, rocks it, and asks for it to be put to bed in her crib. Her love for babies in general was evident with Cousin Simone, and she's trying her best to spread the love to her best bud, Aidan.

Her vocabulary is growing steadily. I haven't been keeping an official word count, but she says mama, daddy, baby, backpack, no, yummy, all done, down, spoon, poo, dog, banana (dada), yogurt (o-uuu, obviously), airplane, flower, ball, uh-oh, and others. Maybe 20-30? The most significant word addition? No. We now hear "No" frequently, but fortunately, it still sounds cute to us. We both recognize that this feeling will change quickly, but for now, "No" is not a source of frustration!

Finally, I will leave you with a video of Lydia doing pushups with Robin. Note her breathing...

Lydia is growing so quickly, and we have more fun with her every day. It just gets better and better.

Halloween Sneakpeak

2010-10-26T20:03:00.000-07:00

That's How She Rolls...

2010-10-22T18:41:00.000-07:00

Tonight was a big night. Robin's mom is in town for the weekend, and since she's here alone, she wanted to go to a restaurant that Dale (Robin's dad) might not appreciate. At the recommendation of The Fearless Critic, we checked out a new sushi place, Ryu of Japan. It was DELICIOUS. Great rolls, great appetizers, wonderful service, and a relatively kid-friendly setting. Lydia was the only child there, but we didn't feel judged or shunned for her presence, which is generally a plus. Perhaps they liked her because...

Lydia loved her sushi! She dug the seaweed salad, seemed to enjoy her squash nigiri, and giggled everytime we gave her a taste of...drum roll...sea urchin! This is apparently a very exotic fish, and we decided to break her vegetarian diet rules to give her a taste. She loved it! Maybe it's all thanks to the sushi set gifted to her by Auntie Britt and Uncle Mike.