Done and Done

Lydia is officially weaned. She hasn't nursed in over two weeks, and we have completed the transition into our new nursing-free routines.

I found that initially, I was neglecting to replace the cuddle time that Lydia was getting, and it left both of us feeling a little deprived. We now cuddle in her rocker in the nursery in the morning, and she snuggles between Robin and I (or sometimes crawls all over us) before going to bed at night while we read books.

Ultimately, the two hardest things about weaning have been knowing that Lydia still loved to nurse when she was weaned and giving up the control and knowledge that I was providing her with important nutrients. The competitive side of me also is screaming that I threw in the towel before many other people do.

Let me say that all in all, I'm glad I'm done. I have more energy, I went bra shopping, and I don't miss the super-duper fun biting game that Lydia took to playing with my nipples. It was time to be done. In commemoration, Robin took photos of my last nursing session. I wanted photos of the way she played with my shirt, of how relaxed her hands look. It was one of the more endearing things about Lydia. I cropped one down so you can get the idea.

On the Way Out

Lydia will turn one in thirteen days. While it is hard to think of our lives without her, it amazes me that she was born almost one full year ago.

I will do a post closer to her birthday with thoughts and musings on such a big milestone, but one part of her birthday that is already at hand is my decision to wean her at one year. That's right, kids, we're cutting her off, and the experience is already more bittersweet than I ever anticipated it would be. The thought of having my body back to myself, hopefully having a little more energy, being able to do an evening yoga class during the week, and bras that provide support without opening like barn doors are all driving the decision, but I'm realizing that it's not quite as cut and dry as I thought it would be.

My original goal was six months, and I set one year as my dream. As the year mark grows closer, I have become painfully aware of all of these women who nurse beyond the year mark (yes, I'm competitive, get over it), of the stupid Kelly Mom site that tells me I should wait until Lydia weans herself (college?) or until I can explain it to her so she doesn't feel abandoned, and of women who want to nurse but aren't able to. Stopping while I'm still able and Lydia still wants breastmilk, I feel incredibly guilty.

On top of that, Lydia loves to nurse. While I know she'll be okay and we'll continue to cuddle and have bonding time, I feel like I'm depriving her of something she enjoys. I know my friends who don't have kids--the ones who didn't stop reading as soon as they realized this post was about breastfeeding--do not understand this, and until a month or so ago, I didn't understand it, either. One of my favorite parenting books is a collection of essays about breastfeeding, and the section on weaning just didn't register with me--until now. The pros of weaning definitely outweigh the cons for me, but it is a much more mixed bag than I anticipated.

We are down to two feedings a day and introduced cow's milk with her snack a few weeks ago. Yes, (gasp!) before her first birthday, which I realize goes against the one year recommendation most doctors give, but I wasn't getting enough milk from pumping, and we didn't want to transition her to formula and then to cow's milk a few weeks later. One of these days, I'll do a post about all of the rules we've broken. Poor Lydia. If she gets rejected from Harvard, you can blame us for giving her cow's milk before she was one year old and rice cereal before she was six months, while I blame that crazy lady who gave her chocolate cake a few months ago.

Also, let the record show that Lydia loves cow's milk, and other than a few digestive, uh, events during the first few days she had it, she's doing well and is showing no sign of a milk allergy or intolerance. She only gets a few ounces a day until we pull back on the last two nursing sessions.

So here we go. One of many, many times when I will let go of something that makes Lydia just a little more independent, a little more grown up... that's what it's all about, right, this parenting thing?

Props to Grandparents--and Milking Mechanics

We have been really fortunate to have had Robin's parents visit last weekend and my mom here for the next week. It is so much fun for Robin and me to watch them with Lydia, and it is a welcome relief from constant baby care.

Today and tomorrow, I am at school working with the members of my house at school, the community within a community that we are implementing this year as part of the restructuring we must do for No Child Left Behind. (Yes, we are a low-performing school and are required to do this. I could go on and on, but I won't right now.) On top of the general anxiety and melancholy that accompanies going back to work and starting daycare with Lydia the week after next, I am "house leader," and I wasn't sure exactly what that would entail or how our first house meeting of the year would go.

Today went better than I expected for several reasons. 1.) We made some good headway in our house with meeting norms, expectations, and classroom procedures while avoiding unproductive conflict. 2.) Lydia and my mom had a great day together, which I will talk about in a bit, 3.) I was able to pump enough milk so that we won't have to dip into my frozen store for tomorrow, and 4.) Mom took me shopping, which is fun, even when you're way closer to thirty than fifteen.

For those that have never nursed a baby while working (or nursed a baby at all), preparing enough milk for the day can be a huge source of stress. I had been perhaps unfairly harsh on my mom for the last time she took care of Lydia when the baby blew through twice as much milk as I was able to pump. Since then, I have been dreading going back to work and trying to keep nursing. For many women, the pump isn't as effective as a baby, so the milk that can be expressed (that word makes my skin crawl) and stored in bottles doesn't match what the baby actually takes in. For lots of moms, this isn't the case, but for me, it seems to be it. I would sit and try to focus on what I was doing and think of Lydia and even look at pictures of her to try to get my milk to let down, but sometimes I would only get two or three ounces, sometimes even less.

Like the fabulous parenting partner he is, Robin did some research and rigged me up with the perfect solution. When I pump, I use my phone and watch the video below. I pumped everything I needed to for Lydia tomorrow, AND my mom rose to the occasion and followed the feeding (and napping) schedule we left her to a tee. Lydia's sleeping is a little thrown off with the change, but all in all, she ate exactly as we'd hoped today (and I was able to replace what she ate), and she went to bed at her usual time. Mom did a great job, Robin's video was the perfect solution, and I think I did a pretty good job, too.