Thursday, November 5, 2009

Down a Pound

Lydia had her flu shot yesterday. (Not her swine flu shot; that is only available to babies 2 and up.) They weighed and measured her, and we discovered that she has grown 2 inches and lost 1 pound since her 6 month check up. The hilarious thing is that even though she is nearly 2 months older and 1 pound lighter, she is still in the 99th percentile. Her height and weight now match. While we weren't specifically putting her on a diet, it is nice to know that she's not quite as far off the chart as she was before.

We also learned that her needs for breastmilk are lower than I thought, which brought relief since I have been struggling to produce enough milk for her. It seems my work environment is not conducive for me and my body to produce milk; the stress really gets to me, I have a hard time finding time between meetings during my off-periods, and I forget to drink water when the kids are in my room. On top of that, today I spilled some of my pumped milk. Spilling milk is one of those things I didn't understand until I was working and pumping and trying to breastfeed. I almost cried. Yes, I almost cried over spilled milk. I am not ready to give up nursing, but the past week or so has been stressful, and I nearly have a panic attack thinking about all of the milk Robin will have to take with him when he brings her to Wisconsin next week and I am away from her off-and-on for a few days. I have rationed out the frozen milk supply to the ounce-per-week for the remainder of Lydia's first year, and I know there is no way I will be able to compensate for all of the milk Robin needs to take with him by pumping. I can't even think about it. I thought the first mother-child overnight separation was supposed to be about abandonment issues, but if it weren't for this intense anxiety about stupid breastmilk, I would be jumping for joy at the prospect of a full evening of alone time in my house.

I'll try to counter this with some of our sock monkey pictures soon. :)


  1. I'm sorry the stress is getting to you! I feel as if I could have written this post myself. In fact, my freezer supply went down to ZERO over the weekend and yesterday we got a note from daycare that Drew seemed hungry. :( I felt so bad that I didn't send enough! So today, I sent four bottles of breastmilk and one bottle of formula--Drew's first serving of the stuff. I figure I'm trying my hardest and that formula is still good for him, too!

  2. Try not to stress about the separation. I always think I'm going to end up way behind in the curve when Oliver spends a night away but I've always found that he never takes as much as I send and I end up producing more than I thought I would so it usually ends up balancing out. Just try to enjoy your night off!

    I had my first moment of "Maybe I'm done with this" this week. Nothing too monumental happened but there was just this fleeting thought of "Do I really want to keep doing this?" I think I settled on "yes" but I'm leaving myself open to "no." I have to go on a weeklong work trip in February and the thought of pumping during that whole thing and getting a stash ready before I go freaks me out to such an extent that I'm considering weaning before I go (although stopping at ten months irks me a little...). And, I totally understand the urge to cry over spilled milk. That stuff's like gold.