Lydia had her flu shot yesterday. (Not her swine flu shot; that is only available to babies 2 and up.) They weighed and measured her, and we discovered that she has grown 2 inches and lost 1 pound since her 6 month check up. The hilarious thing is that even though she is nearly 2 months older and 1 pound lighter, she is still in the 99th percentile. Her height and weight now match. While we weren't specifically putting her on a diet, it is nice to know that she's not quite as far off the chart as she was before.
We also learned that her needs for breastmilk are lower than I thought, which brought relief since I have been struggling to produce enough milk for her. It seems my work environment is not conducive for me and my body to produce milk; the stress really gets to me, I have a hard time finding time between meetings during my off-periods, and I forget to drink water when the kids are in my room. On top of that, today I spilled some of my pumped milk. Spilling milk is one of those things I didn't understand until I was working and pumping and trying to breastfeed. I almost cried. Yes, I almost cried over spilled milk. I am not ready to give up nursing, but the past week or so has been stressful, and I nearly have a panic attack thinking about all of the milk Robin will have to take with him when he brings her to Wisconsin next week and I am away from her off-and-on for a few days. I have rationed out the frozen milk supply to the ounce-per-week for the remainder of Lydia's first year, and I know there is no way I will be able to compensate for all of the milk Robin needs to take with him by pumping. I can't even think about it. I thought the first mother-child overnight separation was supposed to be about abandonment issues, but if it weren't for this intense anxiety about stupid breastmilk, I would be jumping for joy at the prospect of a full evening of alone time in my house.
I'll try to counter this with some of our sock monkey pictures soon. :)
The semester I’ll grieve
3 years ago
I'm sorry the stress is getting to you! I feel as if I could have written this post myself. In fact, my freezer supply went down to ZERO over the weekend and yesterday we got a note from daycare that Drew seemed hungry. :( I felt so bad that I didn't send enough! So today, I sent four bottles of breastmilk and one bottle of formula--Drew's first serving of the stuff. I figure I'm trying my hardest and that formula is still good for him, too!
ReplyDeleteTry not to stress about the separation. I always think I'm going to end up way behind in the curve when Oliver spends a night away but I've always found that he never takes as much as I send and I end up producing more than I thought I would so it usually ends up balancing out. Just try to enjoy your night off!
ReplyDeleteI had my first moment of "Maybe I'm done with this" this week. Nothing too monumental happened but there was just this fleeting thought of "Do I really want to keep doing this?" I think I settled on "yes" but I'm leaving myself open to "no." I have to go on a weeklong work trip in February and the thought of pumping during that whole thing and getting a stash ready before I go freaks me out to such an extent that I'm considering weaning before I go (although stopping at ten months irks me a little...). And, I totally understand the urge to cry over spilled milk. That stuff's like gold.