Still Blogging

Yesterday, my mom asked me if I was still blogging. While my lack of entries would indicate otherwise, the answer is that I'm trying. Time flies, our internet has been down, we have a toddler... there is a myriad of excuses. The honest explanation would be that lots of things are weighing heavy on our hearts right now, it's often difficult to write with the optimism that Lydia's developments warrant, and by the time Lydia is down for bed and the house is in order and we're ready for the next day, I often just want to veg on the sofa.

What's weighing on our hearts, you ask?

Austin ISD is in financial crisis. The estimated budget shortfall is tremendous--substantially larger than the estimates we were given two months ago. Hundreds of teachers and staff will be losing their jobs, programs will be cut, schools will be closed, and I fear that the Austin schools will never be the same. It is depressing to say the least, and a dark cloud has loomed over workdays at school.

Some family friends' son passed away at the end of November very unexpectedly--two months ago today. I didn't say anything about it then because I felt that anything that came to mind didn't do justice to their grief, suffering, and loss. As the past two months have passed by, the stark, empty reality that things for them will never be the same has set in, and I have been thinking about the Bellomy family non-stop. This is the first time since Lydia was born that someone in our lives has lost a child, and the fear, empathy, and shared grief that I have experienced as a parent has been difficult to process. As time passes and we have spent some time with Gary, Carol, Wes, and Connor, I am still boggled.

To lay it out there, we're tired, and Robin and I both feel like we have a lot on our plates. After my lofty New Years resolutions and goals, the blog has fallen by the wayside--again. I think I easily fall into a guilt cycle of feeling badly that I haven't kept my resolution and promise to myself, of knowing that people check the blog and are disappointed that the same entry from weeks ago is sitting on their screens. Feeling badly leads to avoiding the source of guilt, which leads to not blogging. And here I am.