Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Panic City: An Update

First of all, the amazing support I received after my last post was humbling. I feel so grateful to have an amazing network of people in my life: family members, coworkers, high school classmates (Laura and Andrea!), and friends from college and beyond contacted me to affirm my feelings, to say they'd been in similar situations, and shared what they did to address the fear that comes with a pregnancy that isn't textbook. For me, one big take-away was that trying to deal with my pregnancy-related anxiety on my own is not productive and not necessary. Thank you for helping me feel supported, understood, and for sharing resources.

Yesterday, I went in to see my midwife. I shared with her my anxiety and what's been going on inside my head. I asked her, again, to tell me about her experiences with single umbilical arteries (SUA). She said, "I see them all the time." I asked her how frequently they're a problem. She said, "I've never seen one become a problem." I heard the exact same thing from a friend who's a sonographer (Susan!), so my up-til-now irrational mind is beginning to actually process and trust this information, which feels like progress. I've committed to NOT going online about SUA anymore; I know what there is to be learned online, and it doesn't help my fears.

We then talked about plans to manage anxiety from here on out. I shared with her the ideas that had been shared with me, and we determined that the biggest first step for me will be increasing my circle of support, especially in regards to pregnancy. I'm going to begin my search for a doula this week and will begin going to prenatal yoga. I'm also going to invest in the Hypnobabies materials to simultaneously prepare for the drug-free delivery I'm hoping for and reframe my thoughts on pregnancy. If these things don't seem to help, the next step would be a counselor who specializes in medical anxiety, and finally, anti-anxiety meds. In general, the conversation was wonderful because 1.) my care-takers now know that I'm struggling with this, 2.) I know they take my feelings seriously, and 3.) I have their help in finding resources.

In talking with coworkers at conferences tonight, I was reaffirmed in the value of sharing my feelings; upon receiving the very first Facebook messages and texts in response to my last post, I instantly began feeling less frantic. Thank you to all who read, responded, and listened. I know that I will probably deal with this anxiety for the remainder of this pregnancy, but I already feel more equipped to move forward without the panicked spinning that I've been doing for the past few weeks.

1 comment:

  1. Kristen Evans stanochOctober 19, 2012 at 2:58 PM

    First, CONGRATS! Second, I am sure you know our story through Anna, but since you said hearing stories helps, here goes it - after having placent previa last year (i am first SO happy that yours has gone away), and having two months of bedrest, four hospital stays (in a total of three different hospitals), two ambulance rides, and an semi-emergency c-section five weeks early, our little Audrey is the happiest, healthiest and easy going baby ever. The amaziness of hospitals, nurses and doctors in this age make high risk pregnancies safer every day. She came home after only spending four days in the NICU, in fact on Christmas Eve. The best Christmas gift ever! When she was a month old she spend 14 days on a respirator in the ICU because of RSV - having NOTHING to do with anything during the pregnancy. Today she is 10 months old with no effects of either event. What I learned from both is that most things in pregnancy and with kids are out of your control. If you try to control only what you have power to (which is hardly anything), you have the courage and strength to get through the rest. Lean on those around you who are giving you support and prayers - that's what they're there for. Everything else will just make you and your family that much stronger and close. I have no doubt you have the strength to make it through the next 18 weeks and admire you for your openness and your honesty - both of which demonstrate you already have enough strength within to make it through. I cant wait until the new little man arrives. I am always willing to talk or to listen!

    kristen stanoch