Monday, September 21, 2009
Call Me Crazy
I have spent a lot of time this week thinking about irrational fears. I have many fears that I know are over-the-top and borderline irrational. I know this about myself. Parenthood brings this out like none other.
When I was pregnant, I was constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. When I got to the point when Lydia could have been born and survive, I constantly looked up survival statistics to comfort myself, because I was convinced she would deliver early. When they heard a fetal arrhythmia, I googled and webmd-ed like mad, sure that she would be in the 2% that had resulting complications.
Now Lydia is here, and she is healthy as a horse, but I still can't kick the habit of developing these irrational fears. Our doctor always tells us that Lydia is healthy and wonderful, and I still manage to convince myself otherwise.
Recently, I have come to believe that Lydia will never get teeth. I have no reason for this. When I told her pediatrician this, prefacing it with my knowledge that the fear was irrational, she assured me that they give babies until 18 months to cut teeth and only then x-ray to make sure they are there.
I fear that Lydia will continue growing so fast that she will outgrow all diapers and we will have to buy her Depends. Dr. Bell reminded me that they make diapers for all sizes, and we will most likely not need Depends.
Finally, I am now obsessing about Lydia's head. She has a big head. Even after Dr. Bell said that there are many things that would need to happen before she would worry, I am now worried about Lydia's head, not for cosmetic reasons, but because big heads can indicate hydrocephalus. I know that nearly every one of my cousins had a big head. When I asked Marie (Robin's mom) about Robin, Dale (his dad) responded in the background, "Robin was a head." Lydia has been hitting her developmental milestones ahead of time and has no symptoms of hydrocephalus other than the big head. Of course, I am still obsessing.
I must kick the habit.